Sometimes, there are people who want to fit you or the issues at hand. You may push them away but they still come around trying to help. I am good at pushing people away and for the most part I wish I did not but I can never help myself.
I guess part of the many reasons is because I am afraid to trust people. Or perhaps my many flaws scare me if they got to know me to well. Whatever the reason, it really does sucks.
I still, after nine months have not heal or gotten over things. I am still not well and very broken. Each day goes by and nothing is healing. I have so many questions but no answers, that is what hurts the most.
After all this time I still have one message that I save each month and it haunts me but I listen to it and for two minutes, I can breathe again. You would think that I could stop thinking of you but it is still to much to bare. My thoughts run to unreal times and I have to force myself to breathe because without you the madness is overwhelming.
The reminder is causing this hole inside me to grow bigger and it feels like there will never be an end to the darkness that engulfs me. My hope of one day knowing what has happened will bring some piece to me but I do not see that day.
I hope your soul and heart is free and you are at peace. I miss you, always.
Milky
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