Midway

December is half over and I cannot help but think how things were different. I remember to much and I am falling into a deeper black hole. I do not want to see anyone and feel more useless than ever. I hate who I am and how my life has turned out. (To nothing) I have no purpose and I just do not understand why I am still breathing. I hate life - I hate it more now that I am without you. Is it possible to be any more lost then what I am ready?

Milky

oblivion bastille

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qAszNJ-yWI

To be Torn - Kyla La Grange

Oh God, I'm stuck.
They are hell bent on us, and I've got nothing to offer you.
My skin trembles, it wants to be used.

Oh God, I'm thrown.
I am only happy on my own.
My heart grows harder, it wants to perform.
And I only ever feel it when I wanted to be torn..

to be torn.
Like a hand held, from its first love.
Like a lost kiss, from its vain hope.
Like a grown child, from its skipping rope.

Oh God, what now?
I have ruined this, I have broken you down.
Your fingers are weathered, your eyes are full of glass.
The raindrops collide with the tears at your mouth..

at your mouth.
Where I once kissed your warm lips,
as my tongue tripped over white teeth;
bitten soft skin, with my hands tied.

Oh God, I've strayed.
I should not have come here with the wind in my sails.
I've blown you backwards, now your heart is in pain.
And I know you don't believe me, but I'm sorry that I failed to be torn.

Like a hand held, from its first love.
Like a lost kiss, from its vain hope.
Like a grown child, from its skipping rope.

Read more at http://www.songmeanings.net/songs/view/3530822107859439123/#uYXHrc2ByGJqAgq1.99

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZeBUlrukX8

Charlene Soraia Wherever You Will Go

"Wherever You Will Go"
(originally by The Calling)

So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place
When I'm gone, you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
And between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe I'll work out
A way to make it back some day
Towards you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days

If a great wave shall fall
It would fall upon us all
Well I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time

[Chorus:]
If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go

If I could make you mine
I'll go wherever you will go
If I could turn back time
I'll go wherever you will go
I'll go wherever you will go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5THMr7YbEM

Another...

...hopeless day of being. Spent the day in the bathroom on the floor. Sick is not the right for what I am going through. My head is killing and I really do not understand how I am still vomiting when I have not eaten in days. Soon it will be time to go back to the hospital if this keeps out.

Crazy!

Milky

Illnesses

It is so annoying that I have to deal with all this medical issues. When I am over one illness another hits me hard. I cannot believe how everything has been back to back. I have been so useless for the past two weeks. I just want to get everything done around here.

I know that there is not much left to do and it is my OCD that is pushing me to get things done, to be perfect I guess. I know that I am being ridiculous but I cannot help it.

I have been so weak and tired but I barely sleep and it is driving me crazy. I hope this does not last for the rest of the month. I have way to much to do.

Leave it to me. If it is not one thing it is another and I wish that it would end once and for all. I wish the doctors would just get things straighten out. Honestly, I really do not think that they truly know what they are doing.

Milky

Christmas Gifts

I have completed my Christmas shopping for the little ones. I am excited for them because they always have huge smiles and so many cute giggles. I only do for the children now because it really is about them.

I am cooking this year for my in laws and also for my sister for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I hope that works out well.

Christmas eve

Pasta with tuna, black olives in a tomatoe red sauce
Basa fish with lemon butter herbs
insalate mixed greens

Christmas Day

French Toast
Eggs
Sausages
Fruit

Chicken broth with egg noodles
Turkey

Stuffing

Mashed potatoes

carrots
Brussels spouts
Corn
Cranberry sauce

Lemon, Vanilla, Coconut and chocolate Cupcakes

That is the plan but I think more will be added before I know it. Lots of this were requests.

Milky

Words with Friends

I am playing this game on the ipad and I thought that I would suck but I have won a few games so far. It is crazy, who knew? It passes the time for me and I am able to talk with others over it. It is a keeper.

Milky

Mind your on business

This is ridiculous! That bitch needs to mind her own damn business stay the hell out of my life and work on her own issues. I hate her so bloody much. She has nothing better to do with her life that she has to tell people things that have nothing to do with her? Her life is so fucked up and empty that she needs to mess with other people? For what?

Telling people that everyone treats her bad and gets and gives information that she has no business giving or asking!!! 

Admit what you have done and be a grown up for once in you fucken life. You should be ashamed of yourself for everything rotten thing you have done to your children and the people around you! You are nothing to me and I have no interest in you or your fucken life!

Just leave me out of it!

Milky

cute blog story

http://www.grandmascookiejar.net/2012/10/grandmas-christmas-give-away-where-is.html

Mondays

I hate Monday's so much. I wish it would disappear forever or at least while he has that day off. Tomorrow is going to be awful. Can I just sleep through it, please.

Milky

My fan

I have always needed a fan in my bedroom. It helps me to sleep and not feel so closed in. The issue is they never last long. My bedroom is super hot all of the time. I have the window open but there has not been much wind lately, that is not until yesterday! It was crazy windy so I had no need for a fan. The wind was howling and it was cool enough for me to sleep. But my headache and pain was keeping me up.

It is crazy outside with rain, still no snow!

Milky

The last few....

...days have been awful. I have been super sick and in a lot physical pain. I cannot keep anything down and my head is going to break off. I have a major kidney infection it is so bad.

Milky

Christmas Gifts

Whatever happened to board games, baby dolls and wooden train sets? Does anyone still do that for gifts, anymore? And does anyone play board games? I love doing that and hope to be able to do that this year.

My sister is not coming for Christmas Eve but she said she is coming Christmas day. She is getting yelled at daily by her mother. She has been treating my sister like garbage. 

anyway, I want to make Christmas special for my sister so I hope we do get to share it together.

Milky

The Business...

...is not getting anything? I have no clue what I am doing wrong? I hate this.

Milky

Ice Skating

That is something I have not done in years, many many long years. I miss that. I remember going to the arena my grandfather coach at and the outdoor one that was close to my house at night. There was a lot of us who would go and we always had a great time. Just another thing that I miss. Sledding too.

Milky

Kings of their Castles

Can you believe how funny my boys are?!!!

Month did you knows

• Did you know August has the highest percentage of births
• Did you know the first letters of the months July through to November spell JASON
• Did you know months that start on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th
• Did you know Rio de Janeiro translates to river of January
• Did you know March 14 is 'save a spider day'
• Did you know baby rattlesnakes are born in August and September
• Did you know October the 10th is national metric day

Lullaby by Courtney Chalapenko

Someone I used to know sent this to me. I think it is beautiful and should be heard. Thank you for sharing it with and congrats to her and her family.

Milky

I wanna write a melody that you can dream
I want you to feel my heart whenever you sleep
Is it in you, is it in me?
and do birds sing while you count sheep?

This is my lullaby to you
Close your eyes

Can you see the wind as it crosses your eyes?
Can you feel my breath on the back of your neck?
Is it real, do you want it to be?
That's the difference between you and me

This is my lullaby to you
Close your eyes

credits

released 03 December 2012
Quinton Strutt: Guitar, Bass, Drums
Mixed by: Quinton Strutt

http://courtneychalapenko.bandcamp.com/

I will wait mumford and sons

"I Will Wait"

Well I came home
Like a stone
And I fell heavy into your arms
These days of dust
Which we've known
Will blow away with this new sun

But I'll kneel down wait for now
And I'll kneel down
Know my ground

And I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you

So break my step
And relent
Well you forgave and I won't forget
Know what we've seen
And him with less
Now in some way shake the excess

'Cause I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you

Now I'll be bold
As well as strong
And use my head alongside my heart
So tame my flesh
And fix my eyes
A tethered mind freed from the lies

And I'll kneel down
Wait for now
I'll kneel down
Know my ground

Raise my hands
Paint my spirit gold
And bow my head
Keep my heart slow

'Cause I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you
And I will wait I will wait for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGKfrgqWcv0

Irish Beef Stew and Dumplings

One of my childhood favorite home cooked dinners that my grandmother would make was beef stew and dumplings. Such a great dish to have on cold winter days and it is comfort food.

Milky

Pan seared steaks

Onions
Mushrooms
Garlic
Fried egg
Rice
Veggies

Just an easy fast dinner for two.

Milky

 Without the fried egg! YummY!

Taco Night

I like it when my sister does come up to see me because I get to cook. She does not like spicy but I do. She loves tacos. Really who am I kidding she LOVES food.

Milky

2nd Christmas Tree

My sister loves Christmas! We found another tree and Christmas balls so she put the second tree up. Another good job. We have nutcrackers up, too and should have all the stockings up soon.

\Just for her. 

Milky

Tootsie fruit rolls

These things are so yummy! Oddly I remember my grandmother calling me that when I was a child. It is funny how something so small can recall a memory.

Milky

Happy Birthday, Mama

It is my mother in laws birthday December 8th. I baked her a cake and I am going to bring a couple of movies to watch with her. It is hard to visit her in the nursing home because she wants to come home but because she is ill and cannot take care of herself that will not happen. Her husband is not able to care for her needs so it is sad to see this. I wish things could be different.

Milky

Christmas Movies

Last year I remember there being more of them on and almost everyday - wait every hour but this year I have not seen many. I have not seen "It's a wonderful life" or "Miracle on 34th Street" or "A Christmas Carol" which are the ones I like the most. The classics. I believe I have them on DVD and I hope to find them soon.

Milky

I gave up...

...on getting help. I started the medications and therapy but it did not work out for me. It has been months since I saw the doctor and taken anything. What is the point, really? Everyday I feel the same hurt and pain. I miss you and it does not go away. I made mistakes and my punishment is this! This god forsaken life of pain and loneliness. Everyday that I am alone ( when I say alone I really mean alone ) I am alone 98% everyday. I do not talk to anyone, unless you want to count my dogs. My sister has come up a few times and that is the 2% of not being alone.

I see not point to living. I have no purpose and no one needs me. So what is the point. A doctor or pills are not going to save me from the darkness that eats away at me. There is not a day that goes by that I wish for you to save me from all of this but you are gone, so now I wish for death to take me quickly but it is taking it's time and I hate it.

Milky

No snow...

...outside. Some days it is so mild so it really does not feel like Christmas. How things were different last year at this time. Beautiful Christmas trees are up and glowing both this year and last year but no snow to make Christmas feel like Christmas.

We have a real wood burning fireplace. I even have tons of fire wood in the back but I have no idea how to use the fire place. With my luck I will burn the house down. We had no time to have the fireplace checked so who knows what is living inside there. 

Funny, I just realized that I could hang all of my stockings above the fireplace for the first time. This house was made to have a happy family in here, surrounding the fireplace. Laughing over hot coco and enjoying each other. So much love would have filled this home and so many memories, too.

Right now, it is filled with hate and there is no happiness in sight.

Milky

My Heart

Everyday I think of you because you were my heart and never my heart is broken in so many ways. So much is lost and broken now that you are gone and no matter how much I wish for you I know that you will not be back. I know that you are no longer real and that I was dreaming the whole time.

Everyday when I close my eyes I do see you face and hear your voice - your voice "Hello love." I miss everything about you and even though I know you are in a better place I cannot help wish that I was with you.

Whatever it is or was not that we had I have to except that it is gone forever but I also need to hold close to my cold heart or else I will not be able to go on. It hurts so much to breathe without you and I cannot stop the tears when they well up in my eyes and start to fall. I hole inside me gets bigger and the pain grows stronger each day. 

After all this time I do not understand why I have not been able to let go. Love me but let me go. But here you are floating through me every second the clock ticks and I am more lost now then ever before.

You were such a huge part of my life. Everyday you would listen to me, laugh with me, make me laugh and filled me with your love. For that time we had together I was truly happy and felt loved. Now, there is nothing but heartache and so much pain. The pain will not end, why?

Milky

What we see...

...in the movies or on a television show we wish could be our life but happy ever after does not happen. No fairy Godmothers, no three wishes or anything for that matter. Some people are blessed and very lucky to have good lives, while others have to fight everyday to just get by.

I could never understand why people have so much faith in God when there is so much bad. I get the whole free well stuff but really? Is this what he had in mind? This is God's plan to have some people healthy, happy and loved while other have nothing?

Somehow I do not believe that it is right. In fact it is cold and cruel. There is no God.

Milky

No changes

The house is starting to look like a home. The only thing that would make it a real home is if there was love and a family but that will never be. After all this time that is where my life is. Loveless, childless and filled with regret and hurt.

I never knew life could be so empty but now I know. It is not something I would wish for anyone. I hope for all those I care about have a better life and take great care of that life.

I have been alone for such a long time and the pain fills me each day knowing that it will never change. As much as I wished or dreamt that it would it never did. Now I am starting to fully realize that this is what my life will always be and I hate it.

Milky

Poem

I want to sleep with you.
I do not mean have sex,
I mean sleep. Together.
Under the blankets, in my bed.
With my hand on your chest.
And your arm around me.
With the window cracked.
So it is chilly and we have to cuddle closer.
No talking.
Just sleepy, blissfully, happy and in silence.

Unknown?

Another Month Gone

It is so hard to believe that another year has gone by but this time it went by faster and for me I hated being alone. I miss you.

Milky

Breakfast this morning....

....was funny because my sister made breakfast and wanted to cook it her way. She needed a glass of water?? Not sure why. Eggs and Bacon with toast. It was good but I still do not know what the water was for.

Thanks miss molly,

Milky

Christmas Tree

 The tree is up and my sister did a great job! She is moving on to the rest of the house. She really loves this stuff. I do like Christmas but when you have family and friends around you. For the most part I am alone and I have missed the last few Christmas's. I was fully alone, other then a voice to help me through off and on that day last year. 

Milky

Why????

Another long day of not feeling well. I have a huge cut on my foot and cannot walk on it. I am feeling very ill and so weak. I cannot believe that this is happening now. Why?
\
Milky

Kate Earl - Someone To Love

You're a porcelain doll that sits in a window
You hold your breath when people walk by
Safely kept behind rose-colored glass
Neatly tucked beneath the spotlight
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
You're a Cheshire cat, you think a smile hides the rest
Ambiguity will always cover the facts
Where do you come from, where do you go
Must be lonely to be all alone
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
And when they come, they'll accept you just the way you are
You'll swear under a moonlit sky
About rocks in the sky, trees backed up by the sea
Thin wild mercury, thin wild mercury
Until then you're waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love
Waiting for someone to love


Read more: KATE EARL - SOMEONE TO LOVE LYRICS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzonGyfl3-s

Water Well

So, this guy installed the water filter and now everything smells like beach instead of metal so I guess that is better. Of course I have to run the water a few more times before using it. It is suppose to be safe. Lets hope so.

Oh, the repair guy a no show but of course! 

My sister, her boyfriend and I managed to get a lot done in the basement which is great news. However, we went to get a few boxes from the garage and that is a nightmare! I need to find the box that has his birth certificate! Oh, joy!

In the middle of looking in the garage I notice that he throw heavy boxes on light ones and ones marked glasses. I have about 6 boxes of non replaceable glasses all broken!  Thank you so much.

He only cares about himself and his things. He ensures that all of his crap is a okay! I am so bloody mad at him for this and I will not be allow to voice my thoughts, so that is why I am venting here.

Milky

Spinach Salad

Spinach
Purple onion
Mushrooms
Bacon
Eggs
Salt
Pepper
Garlic
Honey Mustard
Hot Mustard
Balsamic Vinegar

Milky

Another sleepless night

My mind is racing over all of the things that need to get done around the house, from the business and basic daily life stuff. I am so tire and just want to sleep well and for more then three hours.  I have tons of people coming tomorrow, luck for me my sister is here to help out. I hope everything runs smooth. But with my luck - you know things will be bad! Grrrrrrr!

Milky

Stuffed Peppers

Red Peppers
Yellow Peppers
Orange Peppers
Yellow Onions
Garlic
Green Onions
Parsley
Rice of Choice
Pepper
Sea Salt
Ground Pork
Soy Sauce
Worcestershire Sauce
Paprika 
Parmigiana Cheese

Add Hot chili flakes and hot sauce if you like spicy.


Sweat the onions, garlic, sea salt and pepper. Add the pork, worcestershire sauce, and soy sauce brown pork. Add paprika, parsley and cooked rice. Add green onions. 

Stuff the peppers and add the parmigiana on top and bake until peppers are tender.

Milky

Moving in?

My sister is thinking about living with me. She asked me what the "rules" are? She asked because that woman sets a lot rules.

My thing or 'rules' is basic. Keep your own bedroom and bathroom clean. Clean up after yourself in other rooms of the house. Put your dishes in the dish washer, your laundry in the hamper, perhaps do your own laundry from time to time. Let me know if you are staying out late or all night. Your boyfriend is welcomed over and may sleep over from time to time but not every night as I cannot afford to feed him too. Try to get a job and pay your outstanding bills. We would cook together and clean up after together. 

To me that is common stuff, not rules.

That woman does not like her boyfriend so he is not allowed to her house. My sister has to clean up them, clean all the bathrooms, bedrooms, and the rest of the house. Cook dinners, do laundry and the list goes on. My sister cannot use the computer or the house telephone. She has to be home by midnight but that woman does not want her going out at all. It is a joke. Why does she have to clean their rooms? Why is it not equal?

It does not surprise me because she did that to me as well. I was expected to do all the cleaning, child caring and cooking. That was on top of school and three jobs. She would say that she quit cooking so she just stopped cooking one day. She would cook once in a blue moon.

I would take the children to school and rush to get to my school and then rush to leave school go pick up the children, go home feed them and get to work. She would bring my sister to me in the early morning when she would wake up so that she did not have to deal with her.

This woman should have never been allowed to have any children. I love my siblings so much and what she has done to each of us is insane. 

Milky 

Killing the Basement

This weekend I am going to kill the basement and get it done, done and done once and for all. I cannot wait to have of this unpacking done and have all the repairs done so that I can just focus on the business and have some people over. I am so tire of being alone. It is hurting so much to be here alone. It helps when my sister comes up because I do not have time to think about the bad things that are happening.

Bad days of being sick have worsen and I am more tired reach day. My strength is getting worse, too. I do not know what to do.

Milky

let go - of her!

My sister wants a Christmas here, just a "normal" one as she says. With no fighting or mean people. She just wants to enjoy a fun and happy day. As it should be. As it is with most families. 

My sister needs to except that that woman only thinks about herself and she is very selfish, cold and cruel. There is no changing her after all this time. 

I know that it is hard on my sister and I wish I could make things 100% better but the only way things will be better for her is when she cuts that woman out of her life. But like me she fears that she will be hated for it. I used to fear that and now that I have her out of my life I no longer do.

It may be bad to say but to me my mother is dead. After everything she has done to me that is what has come out of the relationship between her and I. It is a sad thing to have to say this but it is also healthier for me to have her completely out of my life. No one deserves to be treated the way she treats people, let alone her own children.

Milky

Pork Roast

Will the repairs get done????

To my surprise the handyman showed up this morning. I guess threatening to get a lawyer involved does light a fire under him. It is crazy to me that this is so damn hard? I mean it is after all his JOB!!!!! I cannot image working like that. Telling someone that you will be there in an hour and not showing up at all? Better yet not to even call? And to top that off, he did it 6 times. How do you even face the person the next time you see them?

Let us see just how much this guy does, today. I can say that the list will not even be close to done but I could be wrong? Stay tuned! LOL.

Milky

Soup - Homemade

8 Chicken thighs (put in whole, it will fall apart as it cooks)
6 Onions (rough chop)
1 Whole Celery Stalk (rough chop)
1 Bag Of Carrots (baby carrots, leave some whole and rough chop half)
1/2 Head of Garlic (chop)
4 Red and 4 White Potatoes (rough chop, have different bite sizes)
Sea Salt (as needed)
Black Pepper (as needed)
Parsley (handful)

1 Box of Vegetables Stock
2 Cubes of Chicken Stock

3 Pitchers of Water
Canola oil a few drops to sweat the onions

Sweat the onions, garlic, oil and add the chicken thighs. Add the celery, carrots, water and stock. Add seasoning. Cook on medium low heat for 3 hours, add potatoes and let cook for another 2 hours or more.

Note: if you add more water, repeat your seasoning.

Milky

Christmas

My sister was very upset with me when I told her that I am not having Christmas here. The last three years I have been alone for Christmas Day. I thought she would not come up. I know my brother will not.

I told her that we will have Christmas here that made her happy and seem to lift her spirits. This week she is coming so we will deck the house up with bells and hollies! I will make a nice dinner and a better breakfast.

I hope she does not run into issues with the witch from hell.

Milky

Once again....

...no show for the repair guy and a no show for the water well install. Now, I am starting to get really mad! I freaked out on this guy and I am going to start playing hard ball. Funny when I threaten to call my lawyer he dropped of water and will come tomorrow. The water well guy is now coming Thursday. This whole thing is ridiculous and I have had enough!

Milky

Evil mother

When you think about your mother you are suppose to have warm loving thoughts, no? Well, not when it comes to mine. She is the biggest liar I have ever known and an abusive bitch, through words and physical.

She will never admit what she has done to me and now she is doing the same thing to my sister. Many times my sister took her side but now she sees the truth and is dumb founded over the results of her actions towards her. Finally someone sees the truth.

She will have people believe awful things about her daughters. The truth is my mother hates her daughters and never wanted girls. She loved my brothers with everything she had in her but know this her love comes with a HUGE FUCKEN PRICE! If you cross this bitch she will make your life a living hell!

She will destroy everything good in your life. You will destroy anyone that comes into your life! She will use you and lie about you with every breath she takes. She does not have any good in her at all.

I feel awful for my sister. I have told her that she will always have a home with me. But I am ready to kick that bitches ass from here to hell! This shit better stop or I will have her lock up in a jacket in the FUCKEN cold storage to ROT in hell!

This is no mother! Nor a human, she is pure evil!

Milky

Holy mother fcuker!

I cannot believe the crap she is doing, again! This woman is insane and truly needs to be locked up. she thinks that she is going to go to heaven after the way she has treated her children? Omg! God is going to tell her, "FUCK YOU, BITCH! YOU can go to HELL and BURN! What a joke.

She wants respect and people to about her after the damage she caused everyone around her. She is sick in the head!

I know I have made huge mistakes and there is no room for forgiveness but if I am going to he'll, she is sure the fuck not going to heaven. She is unbelievably the worse thing ever to be allow any forgiveness.

I hate her!

Milky

Changing...

...personal information sucks for on line! That or I am really dumb. I called in and it took 30 seconds? And I went in to change my health card and seriously, another 30 second? What the hell is with the Internet set up to change your address?

Milky

I am HOOKED...

...mystery manor! I can play for hours it is crazy. It is 4:30 in the morning and aim stressed out! So I play this game in hopes that it will tire me out but I end up playing for a few hours. So bad.

Milky

Do you...

...read me? What I am writing? I mean is this how you check on me? I hope you are well and safe.

Milky

Unpacking Basement

I had not planned of doing the basement until the first week in December but since I want the broken down fridge to be gone so that I may get a new fridge in I have to get the work done down there so "handyman" can remove the fridge.

Milky

I was right...

...he is not coming back today! He needs supplies to get the rest of the work done. The funny things is I gave  him a detailed list of everything that was needed alone with measurements!!!! He had the list with him! This guy is a knob and then same.

I have repaired half of the things on the list myself. It is so damn crazy to me that this is what he does for a living and I am doing most of the work. OMG!

We will see if he will come on Tuesday!

Milky

WOW Repairs....

...are getting done today! To say that I cannot believe it is playing it down. I mean these things were suppose to be done before we moved in. This guy kept saying he was going to come but would never show up. He is finally here and I am going to work his a** so bloody hard, until everything is finally done.

I have my new dish washer. I new door handle for the laundry room, so I will not be lock in there for hours every again. That was hell for me! The back door will finally have a non - broken door and I will have peace of mind that no one will just walk into the house. Yeah me.

The water softener and filter are coming on Tuesday. What a relief that will be. The water is a basic need in a household and I just cannot believe that I had to wait a month for it be done.

Just as I am writing this he comes to me to tell he has to get supplies so that means he is not coming back???? OMG!!! Just when I thought thing were going to come together - what a damn fool I am.

Milky

All I've Ever Needed - Nikki Reed & Paul McDonald

I hope you eyes just smile forever
Only once I told a lie
I hope these days go on forever,
And I'm always right by your side.You're all I want to know
For the rest of my life!
I can't help what time is done,
And how long I've had to wait
Now I found your hand in mine
I hope I didn't come too late
There's no beauty like your face in the morning light!


Chorus:
And all my life I have been so scared
And I never knew I never wanted you there
I've been broke, been bust, been snared
So love lost and under-prepared, baby
But now that I found you, now that I've got you
I've got everything, my dear!

Cause you mean everything to me, my dear,You mean everything to me my dear!
I see you in my thoughts, and I hear you in my sleep
And now that I've found you,
Now that I've got you
I've got everything!
And the feeling that you give me is like a runaway train
If I hold you like I wanna, You would never go away
My dear, hear me when I say!

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/now-that-i-found-you-lyrics-nikki-reed-paul-mcdonald.html ]
Chorus:
And whole my life I have been so scared
And I never knew I never wanted you there
I've been broke, been bust, been snared
So love lost and under prepared, baby
But now that I found you, now that I've got you
I've got everything, my dear!
I love you sleeping with your socks on
And I love your laughter in our house
I love your smile in the morning
And I love your head upon my chest
I miss your kisses in the evening
(Baby when you're away)
And I miss my hands on your hips
(baby when you're away)
And I miss the smell of your perfume
And the lipstick on your lips!


Chorus:
And whole my life I have been so scared
And I never knew I never wanted you there
I've been broke, been bust, been snared
So love lost and under-prepared, baby
But now that I found you, now that I've got you
I've got everything, my dear!
Now that I found you
Now that I've got you
Now that I found you
Now that I've got you
I've got everything my dear!

• Send "Now That I Found You

Read more: NIKKI REED & PAUL MCDONALD - NOW THAT I FOUND YOU LYRICS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdCDSzOIYKM&feature=related

Feist - Fire in the water

Telegraph cables hum
And few can decipher who the message is from
And deliver it quietly
'Cause some don't get much company
The harbor becomes the sea
And lighting the house keeps it collision free
Understand the lay of the land
And don't let it hurt you or it will be the first to
The water, the water
Didn't realize
It's dangerous size
The mountain, the mountain
Came to recognize
It's steep and rocky sides
More than realized
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Pale as a pile of bones
You hope for your babies
And this is how they grow
Wind-battered, knocked over
The teeth by the shoulder
Watching the gray sky
That's acting like a good guy
The water, the water
Came to realize
It's a dangerous size
The mountain, the mountain
Came to recognize
It's steep and rocky sides
Came to recognize
It's steep and rocky sides
More than realized

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcUvMgFnNOM&feature=related

Read more: FEIST - THE WATER LYRICS

IKO - Heart Of Stone

Can you keep a secret
Will you hold your hand
Among the flames

Honey you're a shipwreck
With your heart of stone

Can I get a witness
To the processes
The wasted tears
If it dried a river
With your heart of stone

I can't breath
I can't breath, water, water
I can't breath
I can't breath, water, water
When you're here with me
You're not here with me

Can you pry a finger
From every single way
The same due
And I just can't forget you
With your heart of stone

I can't breath
I can't breath, water, water
I can't breath
I can't breath, water, water
I can't breath
I can't breath, water, water
I can't breath
I can't breath, water, water

When you're here with me
You're not here with me

Movies to see

Red Dawn was great that is the older one, was. I want to see what they did with the new one. Looking forward to it. Looper looks good too.

Milky

Time is cold

Time does not stand still and it really does not wait for anyone. Time keeps going no matter how much I wish for it to stop. To stop until I find you, again to find her, again and to find us, again. I know that it is crazy that I still hold onto all of the memories wrong or right much of it was real and now it is lost but in my heart I hold on to them because I have nothing else to hold onto.

Time is slow and it is cold and cruel. I hate saying this but you are cold and cruel as well. After all this time you haunt me and I still cry at night and at times in the daylight. The pain in my heart grows bigger and the hole that consumes me is unbearable. Even though the pain is bad it truly does tell me that what I felt was true. 

I miss everything about you. I miss the way you would make me laugh and how you would listen to every word as I would speak. It was nice to be heard. It was nice to be cared for. Now, there is nothing and I am fading fast over time.

Yes, time is cold and cruel and I did not have enough time with you, my love.

Milky

anna blue so alone

My face against the window pane
A tear for every drop of rain

I am so lonely and so sad
You're the reason that I'm feeling bad
I am so lonely and so sad
Living in a dream I've never had

My face against the window pane
A tear for every drop of rain
I'm living like already I have died
Have died

Emptiness a present past
A silent scream to shatter glass
I have to go; it's time for me to fly

I am so lonely and so sad
You're the reason that I'm feeling bad
I am so lonely and so sad
Living in a dream I've never had

(Wake me with your kiss)
Who will care if I'm not here?
If suddenly I disappeared?
No one's gonna notice it at all

Dying flowers in my hand
I'm vanishing from where I stand
It isn't yet too late to get the truth

I am so lonely and so sad
You're the reason that I'm feeling bad
I am so lonely and so sad
Living in a dream I've never had

So lonely and so sad
You're the reason that I'm feeling bad
I am so lonely and so sad
Living in a dream I've never had

I am so lonely and so sad
You're the reason that I'm feeling bad
I am so lonely and so sad
Living in a dream I've never had

So lonely and so sad
You're the reason that I'm feeling bad
I am so lonely and so sad
Living in a dream I've never had

(Wake me with your kiss)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AR5wAmkgWWo

The "Family Room" (my parlour)

The Kitchen

My Funny BOYS

Hot & Cold

There have been many nights in this new house that I have not slept well at all because it has been way to hot. It is funny how my bedroom, the family room and the main bathroom and basement bedroom are so damn HOT but the rest of the house is warm to cool.

Last night I had both windows opened and my fan on. It was perfect for once. He came in and said it was freezing in my bedroom but I was toasty! I told him to get out!!! I slept comfortable last night and it was great!

Hugo was comfortable as well, even the cats. Whatever, it is my bedroom and I do not share it with him so what I think about it is all that matters.

Milky

Hot apple cider

On a cold day how can you really say no to this treat. From the Food Network.

Ingredients

• 1 apple
• 2 teaspoons whole cloves
• 1 orange, thinly sliced
• 2 quarts apple cider
• 1/2 cup light brown sugar
• 1 teaspoon allspice
• Pinch grated nutmeg
• 1 cup dark rum
• Cinnamon sticks, garnish

Directions

Stud the apple with the cloves. In a medium pot, combine the studded apple and remaining ingredients except the rum. Slowly bring to a simmer over low heat. Simmer for 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and add the rum. Discard the apple. Ladle into mugs and garnish each with a cinnamon stick. Serve immediately.

So quite

It is Saturday night and I am so bloody bored. I waited all day for the repair guy but of course he said he will come tomorrow! I am so sure! I unpacked bins of clothing. It is slowly coming around to the end. I have no finished the basement at all, hope to start next week. The main floor and upstairs is starting to look more and more like a home. The only issue is it is to quite and I am so alone. No one to talk to. I miss having someone to talk to.

Milky

Phoenix ='s trouble

OMG! This dog is the biggest brat ever! He keeps going into the trash to shed paper. I do not get him at all. And Hugo is no better. They both love to eat PAPER!!!!!

Milky

Food & Wine

I get the magazine every month and it has some really good recipes inside. Many great ideas, in fact but the only problem is I have no one to cook for any more. I use to have many people to cook for but now there is no one. Cooking for myself is pointless. Being alone everyday is for the birds. 

I went out yesterday with friends for dinner and a movie but for some reason I still felt very alone. There is so much silence and aloneness. It hurts so much.

Milky

Sick sucks

The past few days have been really bad for me. I have not been feeling very well. My headaches are really bad and I have been so sick. I wish it would ease up even a little bit. I just do not understand why it has to be thing way all the time.??

Milky

Length did you knows

• 
  Did you know stewardesses is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand
• Did you know the longest street in the world is Yonge street in Toronto Canada measuring 1,896 km (1,178 miles)
• Did you know a giraffe can clean its ears with its 21 inch tongue
• Did you know the word 'Strengths' is the longest word in the English language with just one vowel
• Did you know cats can jump up to 7 times their tail length
• Did you know The Great Wall of China is approximately 6,430 Km long (3,995 miles)
• Did you know every single possible 3 character .com domain has been registered
• Did you know the word typewriter is the longest word that can be typed using only the top row of a keyboard
• Did you know your foot and your forearm are the same length
• Did you know the word 'almost' is the longest word spelt alphabetically
• Did you know the word 'rhythm' is the longest word without a vowel
• Did you know a flea can jump 350 times its body length
• Did you know a chameleons tongue is twice the length of its body
• Did you know the longest word that can be typed using only our right hand is 'lollipop'
• Did you know ostriches have a 14 meter (46 foot) long small intestine
• Did you know the longest time a person has been in a coma is 37 years
• Did you know the longest one syllable word in the English language is 'screeched'
• Did you know a woodpeckers tongue can wrap around its head twice
• Did you know the statue of Liberty's mouth is 3 feet wide
• Did you know a King Cobra is the biggest of all poisonous snakes and can grow to over 4 metres (13 feet) long