I had lost so much and the abuse had worsen, before he came in and tired to fix - NO - SAVE ME. All kinds of promises were broken and some lies hidden so deep, that by the time I knew the truth about who he was it was to late. I was locked up, again and a different abuse began.I was taught that when you marry it is for better or for worse. No one tells you that it really should be said for worse and for hell. I was blinded by the empty future that was going to fill my life with goodness and that the days of being in pain would finally end. It was like signing a contract with my own blood to the devil himself.
If only I had known that the women in this family really and truly do not matter and have no purpose in life but to cook, clean and obey. When you age you are forgotten, used up and neglected.
The one and only day off is filled with angry words, many useless fights, beaten down and it is just time to learn that the life has passed by so fast and everything around is a lie. Your life is a lie and you slowly learn that you are alone - really alone.
After some time you try to build something with friends or maybe some family but that is only one part of your life that needs some happiness. There is also self-fulfilment that you need with that one special person. They provide that comfort when you are alone and lost. They show that love with touch and words of kindness. They care and support you through sickness and health, for better, for worse and show passion - compassion.
I had that twice in my life and I have lost both. Now, I am ...
nothing, to no one - life partner.
This may not answer the question but to start again after so much damage has been done to me. It would not be fair to the new person who comes into my life. Or perhaps, I believe now that I was never deserving of a good life, healthy life with one true love and a family of my own.
I guess the answer is - I give up.
Milky
No comments:
Post a Comment