One year, today

It has been a year today since I had the breakdown. So many hearts broken and the pain still hurts. The hole in my chest is so great that there are days that I cannot breathe at all. I still cry and the tears will not stop, even when I try to hold them but I am still weak. I think of everyday when I wake up and every night when I bed. I am hoping you are doing well.

I was scared today of hurting myself like I did last year. But I have manage to get through the day. It helped that I had the engagement cupcakes to make and I really want their day to be special.

I am still breathing. I hope this new year I can learn to breathe without you.

Milky

Better Sleep

Two days since I had the breakdown. I am both nervous and lost over it. Nervous because I do not know if I will make it through another year and lost because I am still sick, alone and missing you.

I thought that by now it would not hurt as much but I am wrong it still hurts. I still cannot breathe easily and the hole in my chest has not closed up. It is still as awful as ever and I hate the feeling because it worries me that I will never get over you.

I just want things to get better, when will it be better? 

I want to sleep and really sleep. The kind of sleep that when you wake up in the morning you feel rested, alive and you jump up to get your day started with a smile or singing in the shower or just looking forward to what the day has to offer. That kind of sleep, the best kind of sleep.

MIlky

Web Designs

For the next little while I am going to be working on changes to the facebook page and the website to drum up some business. I hope this will workout.

Milky

City and Colour - Little Hell

What if I can't be all that you need me to be
We've got a good thing going, we have some promises to keep
But my addiction it can be such a detriment
Please believe in this my dear, I am more than penitent

What if everything’s just the way that it will be
Could it be that I am meant to cause you all this grief
My war ships are lying off the coast of your delicate heart
And my aim is steady and true as it's been right from the start

There's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me
From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories.
If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all

So when we leave it'll be a quick midnight escape
We'll disconnect ourselves from all of yesterday
I'll dig for water and fashion our very own wishing well
Then we'll throw our coins down hoping to rid of us of this little hell

There's a degree of difficulty in dealing with me
From my haunted past comes a daunting task of living through memories.
If we could just hang a mirror on the bedroom wall, stare into the past and forget it all

Will we get out of this little hell
Will we get out of this little hell
Will we get out of this little hell
Will we get out of this little hell

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNNcTcW2XOc

Water issues - omg!

Having water is damn basic and I still do not have any. This is ridiculous to have to keep going through. I do not understand these people!

I am going to lose it on him soon!

Milky

Water issue update

Nothing.
Water is crap!
I am sick from it!
No news!
No report!
Oh, no updates!
No surprise there!

Milky

Went well

I went out this morning made it through alright. Got to see my peanut and apple which was great. I love them so much and they are going fast.

Next week is the engagement party. I am going to make cupcakes and go to that event. I am happy for the couple.

Hopefully it goes well.

Milky

Dave Mattews - Proudest Monkey

Swing in this tree
Oh I am bounce around so well
Branch to branch,
Limb to limb you see
All in a day's dream
I'm stuck
Like the other monkeys here
I am a humble monkey
Sitting up in here again
But then came the day
I climbed out of these safe limbs
Ventured away
Walking tall, head high up and singing
I went to the city
Car horns, corners and the gritty
Now I am the proudest monkey you've ever seen
Monkey see, monkey do

Then comes the day
Staring at myself I turn to question me
I wonder do I want the simple, simple life that I once lived in well
Oh things were quiet then
In a way they were the better days
But now I am the proudest monkey you've ever seen
Monkey see, monkey do
Monkey see, monkey do


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh I Used to live in a tree
I loved it but I thought it wasn't enough for me...
So I paved a road to the city
For me...and for the rest of the monkeys
I'm on the scene-
Yes I'm on the scene...again.
Yes I'm this proud monkey...leading the way.
So...
When we must leave...
For good
I am the proudest monkey...
That I'm aware o'
Monkey see, monkey do, hit my tail.
Monkey see, monkey do.

When I walk, I walk so tall
Not bent all double over...
Like the other monkeys, that I know
But still I don't know:
If I'm so good or
If heavens the place to go or
If hell is where we were
If Sinnin'g's what we do
I know that I'm A smartest monkey
That I am aware o'
Monkey see, monkey do. Monkey see.


Who are they
Who are they everywhere
Who is this monkey
Thinks he is so great
Who taught this monkey to
We taught this monkey to
Turn in the trail of his friends?
We are the proudest monkeys
We are the proudest monkeys
You and me are the proudest monkeys
You and I am the proudest monkeys
Monkey see, monkey do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvLOm9Ewuh8

Sia - I Go to Sleep

When I look up from my pillow
I dream you are there with me
Though you are far away
I know you'll always be near to me

I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me

I look around me
And feel you are ever so close to me
Each tear that flows from my eye
Brings back memories of you to me

I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me

I was wrong, I will cry
I will love you till the day I die
You were all, you alone and no one else
You were meant for me

When morning comes again
I have the loneliness you left me
Each day drags by
Until finally my time descends on me

I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me
I go to sleep
And imagine that you're there with me

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FGcdAPhKigQ

Alex Cornish - Rely

This is a beautiful song. Hope you enjoy it.

http://prostopleer.com/#/tracks/5050062Reyp

Paul Gauguin - Artist

 I love his work and have two of his pieces. 

Paul Gauguin (1848–1903) was a leading 19th century Post-Impressionist artist, painter, sculptor, printmaker, ceramist and writer. His bold experimentation with color directly influenced modern art in the 20th century while his expression of the inherent meaning of the subjects in his paintings, under the influence of the cloisonnist style, paved the way to Primitivism and the return to the pastoral. He was also an influential proponent of wood engraving and woodcuts as art forms.^[1][2]

Read more at wikipedia

https://www.google.ca/search?q=paul+gauguin+paintings&hl=en&tbo=d&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=PPf5UJfAE6eZ0QHD6IDwBQ&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAA&biw=1366&bih=673

Trusting People

Trusting people is not something I do well and I am reminded why. You cannot trust anyone but yourself! Opening up is a mistake and I wish I never did with anyone. As mean as that may sound or as much as I hate saying it - it is true.

People may have good intentions but in the end someone always gets hurt for trusting someone. It is amazing how knowing this never really prepares you when you do get hurt by another. You are surprised to a point but at the same time not so much.

You hate yourself for getting caught up in the trust and all you want to do is scream or go back to that moment you realized that you trusted that person. Just take it back and move forward. Close yourself off, lock up the key, or throw it away but do not give into the allure of giving another person your trust.

People will say and do anything to get what they want so that they will feel good. I have trusted so many people and I have been burn many times. I made mistakes too, do not get me wrong. I fcuked up! I will never go back there, again. But I also do not want to be the one getting hurt either.

I am tired.

Milky

The most beautiful suicide

On May 1, 1947, Evelyn McHale leapt to her death from the observation deck of the Empire State Building. Photographer Robert Wiles took a photo of McHale a few minutes after her death.


The photo ran a couple of weeks later in Life magazine accompanied by the following caption:

On May Day, just after leaving her fiancé, 23-year-old Evelyn McHale wrote a note. 'He is much better off without me ... I wouldn't make a good wife for anybody,' ... Then she crossed it out. She went to the observation platform of the Empire State Building. Through the mist she gazed at the street, 86 floors below. Then she jumped. In her desperate determination she leaped clear of the setbacks and hit a United Nations limousine parked at the curb. Across the street photography student Robert Wiles heard an explosive crash. Just four minutes after Evelyn McHale's death Wiles got this picture of death's violence and its composure.

 From McHale's NY Times obituary, Empire State Ends Life of Girl, 20:

At 10:40 A. M., Patrolman John Morrissey of Traffic C, directing traffic at Thirty-fourth Street and Fifth Avenue, noticed a swirling white scarf floating down from the upper floors of the Empire State. A moment later he heard a crash that sounded like an explosion. He saw a crowd converge in Thirty-third Street. 

Two hundred feet west of Fifth Avenue, Miss McHale's body landed atop the car. The impact stove in the metal roof and shattered the car's windows. The driver was in a near-by drug store, thereby escaping death or serious injury. 

On the observation deck, Detective Frank Murray of the West Thirtieth Street station, found Miss McHale's gray cloth coat, her pocketbook with several dollars and the note, and a make-up kit filled with family pictures.

The serenity of McHale's body amidst the crumpled wreckage it caused is astounding. Years later, Andy Warhol appropriated Wiles' photography for a print called Suicide (Fallen Body), but I can't find a copy of it anywhere online. Anyone?

From website http://kottke.org/08/07/the-most-beautiful-suicide

Cracked

Another Canadian show film in Toronto. It is a pretty good show.

Warehouse 13
Rookie blue
Lost girl
Nikita (I was surprised)
Beauty and the beast
Alphas
The listener

Just to name a few.

Milky

Live again

We walk through life not really knowing who we are. We want to believe that we truly know those around us but we really do not. Each of us have secrets and problems that we never want to see come to light. We hide from all the things that we do not want others to see. We build up walls to protect ourselves and when someone tries to break them down, we get scared.

We start to second guess those close to us but what is worse we cannot trust ourselves with ourselves. This is when life becomes lost to everyone and to ourself. Climbing up of this hole is hard and baby steps take time. The problem is time is short and we are wasting it because living is hard to do.

We come down on ourselves hard and that just makes things worse. The people around us want to help but our walls are strong so breaking them will not be easy. Sometimes it take that one person who does not give and will keep trying to help you break down the walls. It is never going to be easy but when you have someone like that around you may find yourself on the other side of that tough wall one day. Hopefully sooner, rather then later and you will live again.

Milky

Panic setting in

I am going out tomorrow for the first time in a long time. I am not 100% looking forward to it because there is going to be a lot of people around. As much as I want to be out I am nervous and feel panic setting in. Hopefully that will pass soon before getting there.

Milky

Jessie J Momma Knows Best.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwESiqEMcc

Amazing Race

Is coming to Canada that should interesting. I really like that show and all the great places they get to explore. I cannot wait to see what they do in the Canadian one.

Milky

Funny Dog

Hugo is such a trouble maker! First he snatch my toast, now he manage to start the dish washer. At first I thought that the damn dish washer was running by a ghost as it kept going off on its own but tonight I witnessed Hugo pressing his paws against the buttons and now it is on! What a dog! To funny.

Milky

CupCake Pops

I am going to test out a new gadget to make cupcake pops. I am hoping that they turn out well and I am able to add them to the menu. These little cupcakes will package well and I can do a giveaway package to promote. I want to do this with the hideaways too.

We will see how well it works soon.

Milky

Tattoo two

The second tattoo. Save me from myself. I hope. Eternity forever. A way to stop me from all the crazy hurt I want to feel when I am at my end.

Milky

Phillip Phillips - Gone Gone Gone

When life leaves you high and dry
I'll be at your door tonight
If you need help, if you need help
I'll shut down the city lights,
I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe
To make you well, to make you well

When enemies are at your door
I'll carry you away from war
If you need help, if you need help
Your hope dangling by a string
I'll share in your suffering
To make you well, to make you well

Give me reasons to believe
That you would do the same for me

And I would do it for you, for you
Baby, I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone.
For you, for you.
You would never sleep alone
I love you long after you're gone
And long after you're gone, gone, gone.

When you fall like a statue
I'm gon' be there to catch you
Put you on your feet, you on your feet
And if your well is empty
Not a thing will prevent me
Tell me what you need, what do you need

I surrender honestly
You've always done the same for me

So I would do it for you, for you.
Baby, I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone.
For you, for you.
You would never sleep alone.
I love you long after you're gone
And long after you're gone gone gone.

You're my back bone,
You're my cornerstone
You're my crutch when my legs stop moving
You're my head start,
You're my rugged heart
You're the pulse that I've always needed
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum my heart never stops beating

For you, for you
Baby I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone.
For you, for you.
You would never sleep alone
I love you long after you're gone.
For you, for you.
Baby I'm not moving on,
I love you long after you're gone.
For you, for you.
You would never sleep alone.
I love you long, long after you're gone.

Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating
Like a drum my heart never stops beating for you

And long after you're gone, gone, gone.
I love you long after you're gone gone, gone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eThpyx8ouOc

Recipe handed down

My mother in law taught this dish to me and when I make it, family and friends like it. That makes me happy.

Milky
pasta of your choice
tuna
red tomatoe sauce
red wine
garlic
salt and pepper
parsley
black olives
slow cook for a day

Tattoo Forever

The new tattoo. Choosing one, the right one is important because you do have to live it forever. I am ready to live with it, forever. Do you see what is hidden in it? A way to keep you.

Milky

Not talking

 This says it all! Life is hard, heart kills, silence is crippling and you are not there. That is the worse part of everything. My days are long and my nights are longer. I think about you all of the time and hope that you are well. I hope everything is getting better and you have chosen a good path for yourself. One that is safe and healthy and makes you happy.

Milky

Adele - One And Only

You've been on my mind
 I grow fonder every day,
 Lose myself in time
 Just thinking of your face
 God only knows
 Why it's taken me so long
 To let my doubts go
 You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
 Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
 You never know if you never try
 To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
 Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
 So come on and give me the chance
 To prove that I'm the one who can
 Walk that mile until the end starts

If I've been on your mind
 You hang on every word I say
 Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
 Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?
 And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
 Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,
 You'll never know if you never try
 To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
 I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
 So come on and give me the chance
 To prove that I'm the one who can
 Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
 I Know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
 I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
 (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
 I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
 (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
 I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart
 (Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)
 I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
 I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
 So come on and give me a chance
 To prove that I'm the one who can
 Walk that mile until the end starts
 Come on and give me a chance
 To prove that I'm the one who can
 Walk that mile until the end starts.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbz6f_xGqWI

Creedence - Have You Ever Seen The Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEY8clFcm2E

What is the point

of arguing when you are told you are wrong all of the time. I explain things very clearly but if the other person is not willing to listen then nothing can be said. It is frustrating and upsetting.

It would be nice if someone would listen to me, again. Not going to happen.

Milky

to much

For most people when they fall to rock bottom the only place to go is up. But what happens to those who's rock button is never ending. Mine is never ending and it is crippling as well as devastating. 

I do not know how to climb out of this. I have no answer for all the questions I have or for the concerns I have. I just want to be okay but I guess that is to much to ask for.

Milky

Water issues 4

The water filter guy came today. If things could not get worse, they just did. The plumber destroyed the unit and it needs to be replaced. I have been exposed to the awful water for months and have been super sick. The last few days have been awful. Headaches, nose bleeds, dizziness, weakness and vomiting.

It will take days if not longer to replace the unit, so that means no water. Insane, as it is a basic need. I do not understand.

More to come.

Milky

Quantifiable did you knows

Did you know 11% of people are left handed
 Did you know a bear has 42 teeth
 Did you know 8% of people have an extra rib
 Did you know 85% of plant life is found in the ocean
 Did you know the Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters
 Did you know armadillos have 4 babies at a time and are all the same sex
 Did you know the longest recorded flight of a chicken was 13 seconds
 Did you know a cat has 32 muscles in each ear
 Did you know cats spend 66% of their life asleep
 Did you know Switzerland eats the most chocolate equating to 10 kilos per person per year
 Did you know when lightning strikes it can reach up to 30,000 degrees celsius (54,000 degrees fahrenheit)
 Did you know Tennessee is bordered by 8 states: Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, North Carolina and Virginia - more than any other in the US
 Did you know the longest street in the world is Yonge street in Toronto Canada measuring 1,896 km (1,178 miles)
 Did you know about 90% of the worlds population kisses
 Did you know sound travels almost 5 times faster underwater than in air
 Did you know toilets use 35% of indoor water use
 Did you know Koalas sleep around 18 hours a day
 Did you know the average speed of a skydiver is 200kph (124mph)
 Did you know all insects have 6 legs
 Did you know that 90% of an iceberg sits under water

Did you know African Grey Parrots have vocabularies of over 200 words

 Did you know a giraffe can clean its ears with its 21 inch tongue

 Did you know the Grand Canyon can hold around 900 trillion footballs

 Did you know all the blinking in one day equates to having your eyes closed for 30 minutes

 Did you know your foot has 26 bones in it

 Did you know the average human brain contains around 78% water

 Did you know your brain uses between 20 - 25% of the oxygen your breathe

 Did you know 1 nautical knot equates to 1.852 Kph (1.150 mph)

 Did you know if you add up all the numbers from 1 to 100 consecutively (1 + 2 + 3...) it totals 5050

 Did you know lightning strikes the Earth 6,000 times every minute

 Did you know cats have over 100 vocal chords

 Did you know elephants sleep between 4 - 5 hours in 24 period

 Did you know a 1/4 of your bones are in your feet

 Did you know a 'jiffy' is actually 1/100th of a second

 Did you know on your birthday you share it with 9 million others

 Did you know 1 googol is the number 1 followed by 100 zeros

 Did you know a 1 minute kiss burns 26 calories

 Did you know a hummingbird's heart beats at over a 1,000 times a minute

 Did you know dragonflies have 6 legs but can't walk

 Did you know in 1878 the first telephone book made contained only 50 names

 

Not worthy

At times that is what or all I ever think about. I feel worthless and it starts to overwhelm me. I breakdown because at the end of the day I feel defeated. I try not to think this way but I do not know how to overcome this feeling.

Each passing day I get worse in health and in mind. I am tired all the time but do not sleep much. It is exhausting being tired, feeling worthless and trying to stop myself from doing more harm to myself.

I hate not having control and not finding the right path to take at this fork in the road. Admitting that I am wrong was never an issue, I can say I am wrong but admitting that I am not okay does not come easy either. I mean I can write it down but not tell someone face to face.

I do not want to be judged or even hated. I want to do things that will change my life and have better choices to choose from. For once it would be nice to do things that I like, have someone real to talk to, laugh with and be with. 

It just seems that I am not allow to be happy or loved. My story is written and it is an awful story. No happy endings.

Milky

Water issues - 3

There was a pipe that broke. There replaced it and we have running water again. Now the water filter guy needs to come in and we will have safe water again!

What a crazy day!

Milky

Water issues - 2

Part 2

The water well guys are here and they found the well. It was right in front of the house. We had these huge brushed in front of the house and the side of the driveway. Of course it was something I really liked about the house because when the brushes are filled with green it blocks the world out along with the sounds of the passing cars. But of course they had to cut them out to get the truck in!

We still cannot use the water for another day and the filter guy is suppose to come tomorrow. This is an never ending story.

Poor Phoenix has to stay in the family room and he just wants to play. I hate this. It is so unfair that I have to lock him up.

Stay tune...

Milky

New Website

I am working on a new website for the business that is suppose to be better. The issue is the program for it is a pain in my side and not as easy for me to use. This does not suck at all! (she sighs)

If I change one font all the others change too! What a pain. It has a spot to put the logo but I am not able to insert the logo? It keeps asking me to type it in? I do not get it. (she sighs, again)

I really want this site to work as they work with google hand in hand. We are on google's first page when you do look us up but this new site is suppose to give more exposer. I hope so.

Milky

Phoenix, my old boy

Everyday my puppy grows older. He has more grey hair around his mouth and face. He sleeps more and now he wants to sleep with me all of the time.

At times we will be downstairs but he will go up to my bedroom and curl up on my bed. He will stay there alone for hours and sleep. He was never like this. He hated being alone.

Some people have said that when dogs are ill or know that they are dying they find a dark and quiet place to do it. I hope this is not what Phoenix is doing. I would miss him like crazy. Phoenix and Hugoboss are all that I have and are always with me. It would hurt me so much.

Milky

Chatting

The last few weeks I have been playing words with friends and I have started chatting with the other players on line. Just randomness. One guy is a father of three, he is on medical discharge from being shot while overseas. A boy who is 16, hates school and loves girls (of course) A college girl who study's hard but stays up to late which causes her to be late for classes.

There are a few more. What brings us together is one we all play words with friends and two we all not do sleep well. Turns out I am not the only one. Good to know.

Milky

Upsetting

Still no orders! I do not know what to do. I keep working at it but now I think I need to just give up. I want to leave the house but when I do I start to panic! This is where my life is now.

Not living around others has been both upsetting and fine. Upsetting because I miss everyone and fine because I do not have to pretend that I am okay. I hide away but I have agreed to go out this Saturday morning for a visit. I hope it goes well.

Milky

Looper

I wanted to watch this when it came out but never got the chance. I ordered on television the other day. It was good. It was interesting to see how everything unfolded.

I wish my future self would have come back into my life 20 years ago and I could have changed everything and not be here now. It life could be so easy. But as clear as it was in the movie - that is just not possible.

For some life sucks!

Milky

Water - Basic Need

I am not what there is to not understand but water is a basic need in any house. Unless there is something I do know?

The water pressure is so weak and we cannot shower. I had to call the repair guy every hour yesterday for him to send us some dork that made things much worse.

Now there is a guy here who deals with water wells. It is unbelievable to me that he sent the first guy in the first place. That one is asking me plumbing questions? He is the plumber not me. What a joke.

So after all that he starts yelling at me at 2am asking me what is going on!!! (which I left a detailed text to him explaining everything) So, why he felt the need to wake me to yell at me is insane!

Hopefully this guy knows what he is doing and everything gets squared away. It is fine when I have to deal with everything in this house myself but when it affects him - game over. He gets pissed off and that is breaking the rules.

Stay tuned...

Milky

The book

I opened the brown leather binding journal you gave me, today! I read what you wrote me all over again. I had no idea that it would be so crippling to me. I broke down in a matter of seconds and it pains me to admit that I both love you and hate you. I have mixed feelings over everything that has happened. Anything would be better then this awful pain in my heart!

Milky

Job + Sister?

My sister landed a job and she is really excited. I am happy for her and hope that everything works out. I want her to have independence and to be free to live her life without having to depend on others.

As long as she is under that roof she will never truly be free and healthy. That woman is going to make her more sick with each passing day. 

My sister knows she always has a place to come to no matter what and with no strings attached. I am always going to love her and help her as much as I can.

We have had to live a hard life while in the present of that witch. Believe me when I say that having that witch for a mother - you can say hell does live! We are truly burning in the arms of hell.

Milky

Bake House!

I am going stir crazy! When I am this insane I seem to turn to baking, which is not a good thing because when I bake I really have no one to eat it!

Cinnamon Spice Cake with Whip Cream - HomeMade by Milky

Replace the bad

Finding someone you connect with is not always easy but once in awhile it does happen. You find common interest and if you are lucky they have the seem sense of dry witty sarcasm as you do but they also have the sensitive side that makes your relationship the perfect balance.

You found someone to laugh with, cry with and be open with. Everything is as it should be even if there are fears of being hurt and left to be alone. That one person will be the one to call you out from all the b*llsh*t that you tell others.

That one person will always be there when you call and have a shoulder to cry on when you are overwhelmed with the lost and pain in your heart. That person will not just listen but truly hear what you are saying and they will feel want you are going through, even if you do not want them to.

At times you will try to push them away but they will just pull you back in because they have no intentions of letting the darkness consume who you are bad or good. They see something inside of you that you could never see.

Now you are left with this battle of over coming all of the bad and as much as you do not want to face these fears - you have to. You MUST! Take each day at a time as chiche as that is, it is true.

Listen to yourself and really hear what your heart is telling you and use your mind to sort out all of the bad. Start replacing the bad with the good, let more good inside.

Milky

Hillary Lindsey - Change your mind

When you wake up wanting me, and
you can't go back sleep
change your mind

When you're weak and all alone,
and your reaching for the phone
change your mind

Keep on going till you're gone
even when you think it's wrong
when you look back in regret the
moment that you let change your
mind

baby don't come back this time, don't
want to say goodbye all over again

so if you think there's still a chance to make it right and I'm 
the only one you want tonight

change your mind
change your mind

in the early morning haze, when my
kiss is all you crave
let it go

cause I don't want to do that
dance, the push and pull, a 
second chance

I already know
I know

you'll just promise me forever and then
you'll take it back, just like that saying you
can't live without me
then you'll change your mind

so baby don't come back this time,
don't wanna have to say goodbye...
\
all over again

so if you think there's still a chance to
make things right...

change your mind
change your mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SuONZ_InKQ

Entertainment book 2013

The book is back and there are so many goodies inside. I am hoping that this year I will be able to do some stuff that are listed in the book. I want to explore! I just to get the will to do it. I guess we will see.

Milky

Surf & Turf By Michael Chiarello

Ingredients

• 4 cups chicken stock
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, divided
• 4 (4-ounce) filet mignon
• Sea salt, preferably gray salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 8 large (10/20 count) shrimp, shell on, deveined

Directions

For the filet sauce:

• 1 tablespoon minced shallots
• 1 cup red wine
• 1 teaspoon freshly chopped thyme leaves
• 1 tablespoon butter

For the shrimp sauce:

• 1 cup white wine
• 3 tablespoons butter
• 2 teaspoons minced chives

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
In a saucepan, over medium heat, simmer 4 cups of chicken stock until reduced by half.
In a large saute pan, heat 1 tablespoon of the olive oil over high heat until hot but not smoking.
Season the filets mignons with salt and pepper and add to the hot pan. Sear on both sides until browned nicely, about 2 to 3 minutes on each side, and transfer to oven for about 3 to 4 minutes for rare, 5 to 6 minutes for medium. Remove from oven and let rest.
Drain excess oil from the pan and return to medium heat; add the shallots and saute briefly; add the red wine and thyme and simmer for 1 minute. Add the chicken stock and continue simmering to reduce to 1 cup; remove from heat and swirl in butter. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.
In another large saute pan over high heat, heat the remaining olive oil until hot but not smoking. Season the shrimp with salt and pepper. Saute the shrimp for about 2 minutes on each side and remove from the pan to a plate.
Drain any excess oil from the pan and return to the stove. Deglaze with the white wine and reduce by 1/2. Slowly add butter, stirring to emulsify; finish with the chives. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.
To serve. On each plate arrange 1 filet and 2 shrimp, spoon about 1 tablespoon of the red wine sauce on the filet and spoon about 1 tablespoon of the white wine sauce over the shrimp. Serve warm.

One More Night - Maroon 5

You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war.
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slamming the door.
You and I get so damn dysfunctional, we stopped keeping score.
You and I get sick, yeah, I know that we can't do this no more.

Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you.
Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo.
And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you.

So I cross my heart and I hope to die
That I'll only stay with you one more night
And I know I said it a million times
But I'll only stay with you one more night

Try to tell you "no" but my body keeps on telling you "yes".
Try to tell you to "stop", but your lipstick got me so out of breath.
I'll be waking up in the morning, probably hating myself.
And I'll be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell.

Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again, making me love you.
(Making me love)
Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
(I let it all go)
Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo.
(Like a tattoo, yeah)
And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you.

So I cross my heart and I hope to die
(Yeah)
That I'll only stay with you one more night
(Oh)
And I know I said it a million times
(Yeah)
But I'll only stay with you one more night
(Yeah)

Yeah, baby, give me one more night
Yeah, baby, give me one more night (whoa, yeah)
Yeah, baby, give me one more night (oh, yeah, yeah)

Yeah, but baby there you go again, there you go again making me love you.
Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
Got you stuck on my body, on my body like a tattoo.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

So I cross my heart and I hope to die
(Oh oh oh oh, oh oh oh oh)
That I'll only stay with you one more night
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)
And I know I said it a million times
(Oh, I said it a million times)
But I'll only stay with you one more night
(Yeah, baby give me one more night)

So I cross my heart and I hope to die (yeah, yeah)
That I'll only stay with you one more night (yeah, yeah)
And I know I said it a million times (yeah, yeah)
But I'll only stay with you one more night (yeah, yeah)

I don't know, whatever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwK7ggA3-bU

Dinner guest pt 1

I am planning on having people over for dinner in two weeks. I have to say I am nervous about it but also excited. I want to see them and I have gifts for the little ones. I am going to make some yummy stuff.

Cannot wait!

Milky

No one to call

I hate and miss not having that any more. It was something I looked forward to when I was down and lost. When I needed someone to listen to me, make me laugh and it made me feel important. 

Late night calls shut the silence out and for some time I was all that mattered and I was heard because one person cared enough to take the time to call.

I miss that person for so many different reasons and I wish with all my heart I could have that back. But I know that will not happen and I must (HAVE) to except that.

This is what my life is now. 

MIlky

Calvin Harris - Sweet Nothing ft. Florence Welch

You took my heart and you held it in your mouth
And, with the word all my love came rushing out
And, every whisper it's the worst, emptied out by a single word
There is a hollow me now

[ CHORUS ]

So I put my faith in something unknown,
I've been living on such sweet nothing,
But I’m trying to hope with nothing to hold,
I'm living on such sweet nothing.
And it’s hard to learn,And it’s hard to love,
When you’re giving me such sweet nothing, Sweet nothing,
Sweet nothing,You’re giving me such sweet nothing.
It isn’t easy for me to let it go
Cause I swallow every single word 
And, every whisper, every sigheats away at this heart of mine.
And there is a hollow me now

[ CHORUS ]

So I put my faith in something unknown,
I've been living on such sweet nothing,
But I’m trying to hope with nothing to hold,
I'm living on such sweet nothing.
And it’s hard to learn,
And it’s hard to love,
When you’re giving me such sweet nothing, Sweet nothing,
Sweet nothing,
You’re giving me such sweet nothing.
And it's not enough 
To tell me that you care, 
When We both know the Words are empty air. 
You Give Me Nothing!
Uoooh UooohUooohNothing!UooohUooohUoooh
Sweet NothingUooohUooohUooohSweet Nothing

Read more: CALVIN HARRIS - SWEET NOTHINGS LYRICS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17ozSeGw-fY

3 Sisters

Posted by One of Ottawa's Real Foodies

Looks good!

On my to get list

This cookbook is suppose to be really good. I have always wanted The Count of Monte Cristo. Just my luck I cannot find either of them but then again I do not get out much.

Milky

old & new bedroom

Old Bedroom

New Bedroom

Ten Ren's Tea Time

In Richmond Hill, 111 times ave 

Find Me

I may be lost but that just means I need someone to find me. I am lying to myself. You are gone and I need to come to terms with that because that is the reality. You are never coming back. I look for the signs but there are none to be seen. You will not come find me and I am forever lost.

Milky

Shutting down

We walk through life with so many wondering questions and never knowing what is in store for us. There are so many unknown possibilities in our lives and as much as we want to know what is out there for us, we are all both excited and afraid.

Excited because everything is new. Everything feels right and we enjoy the moments that are ahead of us. We learn so many different things are people, places and new ideas.

We may find love, not just the friendship kind of love but the kind that makes you weak in the knees, gives you goosebumps and butterflies. It is the love that brings you happiness and a fulfilled life.  

Afraid because we fear that we will never be the person we want to be with the people we want. Fear that we will not find that one person to love and spend the rest of our lives with. 

Sometime we trust the wrong people but now and again there is one person that makes you feel like anything is possible. 

It is hard to stop thinking about what can be and what cannot be. I have been so unhappy, unseen, and I have had to put up with so much. when will it be my time? Being shut out by one person leads to shutting yourself down. Now, letting people in is to hard.

Milky

Wait and Hope - quote

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must of felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life."

" Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.”  

Alexandre Dumas

Movie did you knows

• Did you know in every episode of Seinfeld there is a reference to Superman
• Did you know there are 22 stars in the Paramount studios logo
• Did you know the movie Pulp Fiction cost $8 million to make with $5 million going towards actor's salaries
• Did you know the movie 'Wayne's World' was filmed in two weeks
• Did you know the film 'Mary Poppins' was filmed entirely indoors
• Did you know all of the clocks in the movie 'Pulp Fiction' are fixed to 4:20
• Did you know 55% of all movies are rated R
• Did you know 'Babe' was played by over 50 pigs
• Did you know the first James Bond movie was called 'Dr. No'
• Did you know before beginning his movie career Keanu Reeves managed a pasta shop in Toronto Canada
• Did you know the 1st full length animated film was released by Disney Studios in 1937 (it was Snow White and the seven dwarfs)

Alone and without power

A man far wiser and braver then I once said there may be times that we are powerless to prevent injustice but let there be never a time when we fail to protest.

Power born out of nature. Coveted by man. Wars raged on and victors are crowned. True power can never be lost or won. True power comes within.

Power can be hoarded by the mighty or stolen by the innocent. Power provide the ability to choose but has the proclivity for corruption. The use of power is not to be taken lightly for it is never without consequence.

What we do with the power we have can breaks us or it can free us. For each person it is different because not all of us believe that good could be wrong.

Good people are wrong and make mistakes. They may have chosen wrong from right but it may have been out of sheer loneliness and desperation. Their fears of being alone and wanting some sort of relief, some sense of want and desire led them to make the mistakes they made.

This act does not excuse what they have done but it does explain when someone is truly alone making the wrong choices to feel less empty would be appealing. But at some point they have to realize the choice they made was very wrong. In the end it only made them more alone with no power or control over their own life.

This is emptiness and sadness and it is crippling.

Milky

Bad things

We walk through awful events in our lives slowly while the bad things move fast. When we grave and feel the lost it is crippling and it hits us like the waves it the reef. We think we have control over it but the fact of the matter is is knocks us down. We fight it but we drown, we fail and the lost is overwhelming. The best thing for us to do is just feel what we feel, let it run its course. One day our hearts will catch up to where we want it to be. (they promise)

Milky

Baby Steps

The sun is shining, winter is melting away and new days begin. I am still without you and the whole in my heart is not healing.

There is never a day that I do not think of you. I wonder what you are doing, if you are safe and happy. I am hoping you are taking care of yourself, being active and eating healthy. 

Baby steps is all we can take to heal and move forward. I pray that you are healing because you deserve to be happy with someone truly amazing. They are the ones who are lucky because they have you in their life.

Your travels and work keep you busy but make sure you are including others in your day. Do not shut yourself off and stay on the computer. The days are nicer for your runs and keeping up with your healthier choices are important. Golfing will be around the corner for you soon, so that will be a great. I know how much you like it, even if I think it is boring.

Be well.

Milky

Do you remember? No Diggity!

(feat. Dr. Dre)

You know what
I like the playettes
No diggity, no doubt
Play on playette
Play on playette
Yo Dre, drop the verse

[Dr. Dre]
It's going down, fade to Blackstreet
The homies got RB, collab' creations
Bump like Acne, no doubt
I put it down, never slouch
As long as my credit can vouch
A dog couldn't catch me ass out
Tell me who can stop when Dre making moves
Attracting honeys like a magnet
Giving em eargasms with my mellow accent
Still moving this flavour
With the homies Blackstreet and Teddy
The original rump shakers

Shorty get down, good Lord
Baby got em up open all over town
Strictly bitchy, she don't play around
Cover much ground, got game by the pound
Getting paid is a forte
Each and every day, true player way
I can't get her out of my mind
(what)
I think about the girl all the time

East side to the west side
Pushing phat rides, it's no surprise
She got tricks in the stash
Stacking up the cash
Fast when it comes to the gas
By no means average
She's on when she's got to have it
Baby, you're a perfect ten, I wanna get in
Can I get down, so I can win

[1] - I like the way you work it
No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up
[Repeat 1 (3x)]

She's got class and style
Street knowledge by the pound,
Baby never act wild
Very low key on the profile
Catching feelin's is a no,
Let me tell you how it goes
Herb's the words, spins the verbs
Lovers it curves so freak what you heard
Rollin' with the phatness
You don't even know what the half is
You got to pay to play
Just for shorty, bang-bang, to look your way
I like the way you work it
Trumped tight, all day, every day
You're blowing my mind, maybe in time
Baby, I can get you in my ride

[Repeat 1 (4x)]

[2] - Hey yo, hey yo, hey yo, hey yo
Hey yo, that girl looks good
Hey yo, hey yo, hey yo, hey yo
Play on, play on playette
Hey yo, hey yo, hey yo, hey yo
You're my kind of girl, no diggity
Hey yo, hey yo, hey yo, hey yo
Hey

[Queen Pen]
Cause that's my peeps and we row G
Flying first class from New York City to Blackstreet
What you know about me, not a motherf.. thing
Cartier wooded frames supported by my shortie
As for me, icy gleaming pinky diamond ring
We be's the baddest clique up on the scene
Ain't you getting bored with these fake ass broads
I shows and proves, no doubt, I be letting you know
Please excuse, if I come across rude
That's just me and that's how the playettes got to be
Stay kicking game with a capital G
Axe the peoples on my block, I'm as real as can be
Word is bored, faking moves never been my flavor
So, Teddy, pass the word to your nigga Chauncy
I'll be sending the car, let's say around 3:30
Queen Pen and Blackstreet, it's no diggity
[Repeat 1 (4x)]

[Repeat 2]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9n4FrmBA2rU

jacques bistro

http://jacquesbistro.com/Bienvenue.html