Not worthy

At times that is what or all I ever think about. I feel worthless and it starts to overwhelm me. I breakdown because at the end of the day I feel defeated. I try not to think this way but I do not know how to overcome this feeling.

Each passing day I get worse in health and in mind. I am tired all the time but do not sleep much. It is exhausting being tired, feeling worthless and trying to stop myself from doing more harm to myself.

I hate not having control and not finding the right path to take at this fork in the road. Admitting that I am wrong was never an issue, I can say I am wrong but admitting that I am not okay does not come easy either. I mean I can write it down but not tell someone face to face.

I do not want to be judged or even hated. I want to do things that will change my life and have better choices to choose from. For once it would be nice to do things that I like, have someone real to talk to, laugh with and be with. 

It just seems that I am not allow to be happy or loved. My story is written and it is an awful story. No happy endings.

Milky