Never Be Found

These past few days have been a nightmare for me, one that I cannot wake up from. My body is shaking inside and the chills are making my bones cold. At every turn I make I am thrown into the deep end of the water. As hard as I try to swim I am not able to and I start to drown.

I cannot breathe and fighting seems to be detrimental. The past is suppose to be just that, the past. But it is truly haunting and I have been penitent, it is never enough! I am my own hell and I am on fire. 

How do I change this rage in me? How do I except the past and more on to the future? Am I stuck here because I see no future? Only illness and hate!

"You are smart, funny and intelligent!" Am I? Because I feel like I am the stupidest person alive. I am foolish and I have no control of anything that is going on in my life. I have no freedom.

Reasons that one person could like another are false or just lies to make you feel good. Reasons that make no sense, that were suppose to make sense because together they made sense. Now, I am left with no sense at all.

More heart and pain as each day goes by. I am lost and I will never be found.

Milky