I am home alone, I knew it would be this way. For the most part being out is desired and yet I want to stay home. Being around people is getting harder for me each day. I just do not want to pretend or lie about how I am feeling. The fact is that I am still not okay and it looks or feels like I never will be.
I am starting a new year alone but let's be honest I am always alone. I am alone everyday, every night and for every important mile stone. I know that friends have asked me to come out with them and I have declined many times, so I am sure they are giving up on me. I do not blame them, I blame myself.
I really do not know how I got back here. Cutting out the world and hiding who I am and what makes me - me. A lot of it has to do with what and who I have lost, while other reasons do play a part of my reasons. I just do not like myself, in the end that is what it is really about.
If I do not like myself, how the hell can I ask others to like me, let alone be around me?
I wish all of you a wonderful and safe New Year!
Milky
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