No surprise....

...the 3 houses are a no go and I am back to looking. Yet again I am stuck having to use another agent and start the new hunt (God knows when) My ulcers are making me so sick. My kidney is failing fast and I have no strength to move.  I am not sleeping,  again and I am so bloody tired. I am getting more intense headaches and I think it is time to lock me up and throw away the keys! The whole is a joke and it is on me! Yippy fucken yeah!

Milky

Broken by Lifehouse

"Broken"

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain (in the pain), is there healing
In your name (in your name) I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain(In the pain) there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'), I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),
I'm barely holdin' on to you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-TbEeO0xDI&feature=fvsr

Falling Apart

into nothing each passing day. It seem like no matter how much I change for the better or even feel better for a minute, I am kicked to the ground. Games and lies live on through the people you would tell the truth but that is not the case. I hate that there have been times that I have fallen into the traps and webs of lies. It makes me sick knowing that I cannot get away from this. 

All I ever wish for is peace. Peace of mind to know what is happening in my own life. But that is something I will never know because I am just another puppet.

In the beginning I believe and trusted but what a foolish girl I was, am. I mean after 20 years of nonsense you would think that all the signs would just hit me in the forehead and (WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE SMARTER THEN THIS SHIT!) But instead I keep putting myself down and now just believe I earn this life and it is my punishment for all of the mistakes I had made in my life.

I daydream now and again, wondering where I would be now if only I took another path? Would life be better or worse? I wish I knew.

Another wasted day and night being unhappy and foolish tears cry with the thought of knowing this is my life. What a bloody mess!

Milky

M83

Too Late lyrics - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcSLMY6wocs&feature=related

I look into your eyes
Diving into the ocean
I look into your eyes
Falling

Like a wall of stars
We are ripe to fall

And if you are a ghost
I'll call your name again
And if you are a ghost
I'll call your name

You, always

By the Kiss - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaEAg2kSjHs&feature=fvwrel

Lower Your Eyelids To Die With The Sun - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jmLb2pZzUc&feature=related

Fondant daisies

Hand made for shower, next up for the wedding.

Gluten free cupcakes

 Apple-Blueberry with Butter Cream Frosting. My first time making it and I nailed it! No one knew for a second that they were gluten free. Great to have on the business line up menu. I was so worried. 

Milky

 

Wedding Shower Daisy Cupcakes

 Some how I manage to do all of these in one day. Vanilla and Chocolate Cupcakes with butter and topped with white fondant daisy flowers. The vanilla smells so good and when you walk in the house it really hits you. It is such a light cake not over powering at all. The butter is also light not over powering from icing sugar. It worked out very well. The chocolate is not dry and is very fluffy. That is a good sign. 
Happy Wedding Shower, Enjoy.

Adaline - "Say Goodbye (I Won't Even)"

You and I together, we play games to get along
Jilted by forever, wide-eyed beauty far gone
But you're not there, and I don't even care

I won't even say goodbye
No, I won't even say goodbye
No, I won't even say goodbye
Oh no, no, no, no

Stepping on each other, you dream I have a different face
Defeated by my cover, different legs stand in my place
But you still stare, and I don't even care

I won't even say goodbye
No, I won't even say goodbye
No, I won't even say goodbye
Oh no, no, no, no, no, no...

I won't even say goodbye
No, I won't even say goodbye
No, I won't even say goodbye
Oh no, no, no, no


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f25oS46hugo

Happy Birthday - PR

Happy Birthday. Wishing all your dreams come. Enjoy your day with your family and friends. 


Lots of love, Milky

Happy Birthday - SC

Enjoy your special day. I wish you everything nice, like sugar and nice. I wish you the best of love, joy and goodness everyday.


Milky

New House? Pick One

So, which one will it be? I hope this will be the last of the hunting for houses! They all had very good points and very few flaws. Hopefully we get one of them. At this point I do not care which one.

Milky

MasterCHEF!!!!! Bye Bye Frankie

WOW WOW WOW! Frank is OUT FINALLY! Yeah! I never cared for his pushy self. I think that Felix should have never left. Even Monte was okay. It should have been Christine, Felix and I guess Becky. I am not a Becky fan but she has done very good work so I will be nice. She has worked hard to get there. I just did not like the crying bits or when she thought to highly about herself when she would lose in the pressure tests.

Cannot wait to see who will win this one. So good, I was on the edge of my seat, again.

Milky

2 Showings

I have two houses to see in Richmond Hill as a back up. I just hope that for once someone up there is crossing their fingers and shines down on me with the other house.

Maybe I am asking for to much with all the wrong I have done and lack of forgiveness but it was not this way before so my hope is that I can be seen in another light and not for the darkness I fill into. I wish for peace and change.

Milky

Pain Pain Go Away!

I cannot believe just how much pain I am in. I hurt every where and I am now realizing that this is what the doctor's mean (you will experience discomfort) OMG! They lied! Discomfort is a kind way to say that the pain will be so bad - so sorry!

On top of the "discomfort" I have a headache that Hell Himself has given me! WOW! Just let me sleep for a couple of hours - not a lot - just a couple! Please?

Milky

mattawa visit

Happy Birthday - KS

Happy Birthday, Dear Friend. You are an amazing person and friend. Thank you for always being there for me. Ii wish you love, happiness and best wishes.

Milky

New start ....

..... viewing houses. This was a long day after viewing 16 listings. Some were unbelievable and very smelly, while other were interesting or cottage like. But to my surprise we found three that my work. Which of which were pluses. I hope to have an offer sealed Wednesday night. It is about 25 minutes North from me, now. Between Bathrust and Yonge Street it will be about 20 minutes for me to walk to either end,which I like but will not like when it is winter time. Great park for the boys to play in.

The houses have great rooms and enough space to keep from walking on top of each other. Keeping a peaceful house at this point is all I want. 95% of the time I am alone so it should be fine.

Here is hoping.
Milky

outro - m83

Cyrus & Jaimie - Travis Wall Routine 

"Outro"

I'm the king of my own land.
Facing tempests of dust, I'll fight until the end.
Creatures of my dreams raise up and dance with me!
Now and forever, I'm your king!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZMVIhs2k-8&feature=related

glad you came the wanted

"Glad You Came"

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came

You cast a spell on me, spell on me
You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me
And I decided you look well on me, well on me
So let's go somewhere no one else can see, you and me

Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

You cast a spell on me, spell on me
You hit me like the sky fell on me, fell on me
And I decided you look well on me, well on me
So let's go somewhere no one else can see, you and me

Turn the lights out now
Now I'll take you by the hand
Hand you another drink
Drink it if you can
Can you spend a little time,
Time is slipping away,
Away from us so stay,
Stay with me I can make,
Make you glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

I'm glad you came
So glad you came
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

The sun goes down
The stars come out
And all that counts
Is here and now
My universe will never be the same
I'm glad you came
I'm glad you came

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U12c-me7M7g

Mattawa River

Great for Portage!


The Mattawa River is a river in central Ontario, Canada. It flows east from Trout Lake east of North Bay and enters the Ottawa River at the town of Mattawa. Counting from the head of Trout Lake, it is 76 km in length. The river's name comes from the Algonquin word for "meeting of waterways".
Two provincial parks are located along it: the Mattawa River Waterway Provincial Park stretches along both sides of the river's banks for almost its full length; and Samuel de Champlain Provincial Park, located about 10 km from the river's end.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mattawa_River

The Cats Are...

getting their claws out! This Tuesday they are going in and coming on Friday. I must admit I am scared for them but it is better for my furniture and for myself.

Everytime they claw at me I seem to get a fever and infection and it is the same if they lick me. I break out in hives not fun. 

They have been very loving since the girl cats have gone. It is cute but I am noticing that my allergies cannot take much of it. I guess I need to get use to them again.

Milky

35 Days Left..

and we still do not have a home. I still have much more to pack. It does not seem like it will ever end. I cannot get any appointments to view homes and I just do not know what to do, anymore. I have no idea what is going to happen.

What is next?

Milky

Salmon

Ingredients

4 salmon fillets with skin (1 lb./450 g)

1/2 lb. (225 g) fresh asparagus spears, trimmed

2 Tbsp. olive oil

8 cups baby spinach leaves

1 smallcucumber, sliced, quartered

3/4 cup sliced radishes

4 green onions, sliced

2 navel oranges, sectioned

1/2 cupKraft Catalina Dressing

Make It

HEAT barbecue to medium-high heat.
BRUSH fish and asparagus with oil. Grill 4 min. on each side or until fish flakes with fork and asparagus is crisp-tender. Remove from barbecue; cut asparagus into 1-inch lengths.
COVER 4 large plates with spinach; top with next 4 ingredients.
DRIZZLE dressing over salads; top with salmon and asparagus.

kraft kitchens tips

Substitute

Substitute 1 small pink grapefruit for the oranges.

Fishing is Gross

Look at the size of that fish! There was no way I was going to touch that thing! There was so many and I was completely grossed out. They nip you at you feet and ankles. It does not hurt but it may freak you out a bit. 

I like getting them hooked and start wheeling them but that is it. I hand it off to the pros from the point of sight out of the water.

Thanks for taking me out. The break was good for me.

Milky

Introducing...

Meet my Friends.
 + 
To help treat these f***ing Ulcers. It is killing and I cannot keep this up!

Milky

Up coming orders

I have a few orders coming up

Wedding
Shower
Birthday
Office party

Stay tuned.

Milky

So lost

I am so sick to my tummy it is unreal. My nerves are completely shot! I have no idea what to do and I have no one to talk. This is not a life and I am so fucked up, now more then ever. I do not what to do!!!! I have no one on my side to protect me through all of this. I do not know how to get out and I am not going to last much longer! Milky

On my own, again

I am back at having to look for house on my own. The agent has been knocked out and I am the one with the bruises! Got to love it!

Milky

BS!!!!

Who knew things could get worse for me but they just did! You really cannot trust anyone.

Milky

Family funny cars

My grandmother's car but it was powder blue. My grandfather had the junkies car and vans even seen. He had a van that was a nasty yellowish with black trim and traded it for a rusty red with a black thick line through.

The yellowish van I remember laying on the side were you step off to get out, covered with sleeping bags so that my mom could sneak me in the drive in movie. 

Whenever my grandfather would drop me off to meet friends I would duck down and tell him to let me out down the street! It was pretty funny.I miss them.

Milky

Classic Cars

For the sake of airport limo drivers everywhere, we need a new Continental. These days, with names like MKT, MKZ, MKS and MKX, nobody knows what the heck Lincoln even sells. The Continental's got the kind of long history (originally launched as a 1940 model) that equals instant name recognition, and the lack of enthusiasm for large, FWD luxury cars that spelled its demise in 2002 has turned around again. With 55 model years to mine, designers shouldn't be stuck for ideas. I remember myGrandfather having a car like this but it was black and the inside with red! I thought my family was the mob!

We haven't had a good CUV on the market for ages — meaning Coupe Utility Vehicle. Why the El Camino and not the Ford Ranchero that inspired it? Ask any search engine, and look for the number of results that pop up. Go to Bing, type in 'El Camino' and check out more than 242 million results. Type in 'Ford Ranchero' and check out just over 4.5 million. To put this in perspective, I pulled the random word 'newt' out of my you-know-what, Binged, and got 55 million hits. (FYI, turns out newts are cute and kinda spunky-looking. Wouldn't that make a fine name for a new economy car? Definitely way better than, say, Yaris.) Like a vehicular mullet, the El Camino is all business in the front with a party in the back.

Otherwise known as the Thing, VW stopped producing this military vehicle for civilians in 1980. Yes, it's hideous, but look at it a while longer. Isn't it starting to grow on you? With a rear-engine platform, manual transmission and flat-four engine, it's not like it would have any direct competition. VW's often negative reputation for poor reliability, earned or not, could use a boost from the durable, off-road-capable Thing. It would definitely need some tweaking to meet current safety standards, including a design change to offer greater distance between the front seat occupants and the windshield, but it's distinctive and fun, and I for one am always looking for another excuse to go topless.

While we're on the Volksbandwagen, let's bring back the Type2, aka the Transporter, Kombi or 'that hippie van.' Another rear-engine variant, this Veedub can take some credit for pioneering the modern passenger van. Updated versions of the Type 2 remain in production in some markets as a passenger van, cargo van or pickup that bears little resemblance to the famous Bus of the 60s and 70s. With most Gen-Xers clueless about anything that was around before they were, we could just let the valuable 20-something demographic think they discovered it. And where are our teens supposed to find a little lovin' anyway? In the Grand Caravan? In a crossover? Nah. It's been long enough. Let's bust out the psychedelic paint and bring back the shaggin' wagen.

Stunning. Enzo Ferrari called it the most beautiful car ever made, and it's among only six cars to be including in Manhattan's Museum of Modern Art's permanent design collection. (Mind you, one of the others is a 2002 Smart, so take that distinction with a grain of salt.) Its two-seater, grand tourer looks have held up so well, it would take barely a tweak to make it completely contemporary today. With the E-Type marking a 50th anniversary this year, it's the perfect time to announce a comeback. Sadly, pesky crash test standards might entail too many changes to maintain the purity of form for which the E-Type is so rightfully revered.

More than 1.7 million Corvairs were produced between 1960, when Motor Trend named it its Car of the Year, and 1969. (My mom even had one, the only car she ever owned before abandoning the whole concept as 'too stressful.') It was overhauled in 1965 and pioneered the Coke bottle styling that would appear at GM for years to come. Then Ralph Nader killed it with his 1965 book, Unsafe at Any Speed. The lack of a front anti-sway bar had resulted in more than 100 lawsuits, a problem that GM later fixed. Production fell from 200,000 in 1965 to 15,000 by 1968. It was exonerated in a Texas A & M University safety report in 1972. Too little, too late.

Nothing says let's go back to the future like a DeLorean, and who makes better sports car than the Irish? Built in Belfast for the American market in 1981 and '82, the only model produced by John DeLorean's DeLorean Motor Company, the DMC-12 featured gullwing doors and unpainted stainless steel body panels. After the original concept vehicle provided unsuitable, DeLorean brought in Lotus founder Colin Chapman. The DeLorean may actually have done all right if it weren't for DeLorean's 1982 arrest for drug trafficking, a charge of which he was later cleared. It may have been odd, ugly and impractical to get into or out of, but I bet with some modern engineering and more horsepower, it would do all right today.

By 1960, when North Americans began to realize that a.) big cars were in fact really big; b.) they could use a second car and c.) the woman of the family didn't necessarily want to pilot an aircraft carrier, the Detroit Three began to produce compacts, including the Corvair from Chevrolet, the Valiant from Chrysler, and the Falcon courtesy of Ford. Both reliable and affordable, the nifty-looking Falcon was a hit from the start, with more than a million sold by the end of year two. The Falcon's Mustang sibling overshadowed it by 1964, and the Falcon never recovered. It held on until 1970 when declining sales and an inability to comply with safety standards spelled its demise.

Described by one auto journalist as 'uglier than the south end of a northbound mule,' it nevertheless pioneered and popularized the wedge shape and sharp angles that would appear in many a subsequent performance car. It was among the first to offer a passenger cabin-forward design that left space for a bigger engine, something of which that same auto journalist heartily approves. (That auto journalist was me, by the way.) The futuristic styling was especially appreciable from above, which didn't really do anyone any good, but the scissor doors necessitated by its width were nifty and are still in use by Lamborghini today. A polarizing design that was nevertheless a work of art, it would be a sure-fire hit with Lambo fans.

The Vega, launched as a 1971 model, was by 1974 among the top-10 bestselling American cars. Engine problems, poor build quality and corrosion would scuttle it by 1977, after a series of redesigns and recalls had in fact fixed said problems, but it held enough initial promise to be worthy of an automotive mulligan. Not only was its attractive and versatile (it would be offered in hatchback, notchback, wagon and panel delivery forms), but its suspension, live rear axle design, low centre of gravity and neutral steering offered decent handling characteristics. In 2008, Popular Mechanics called it 'one of GM's great debacles.' In 2010, they called it 'the car that nearly destroyed GM.' I'm not holding out much hope on this one, but the hatchback sure is cute.

Maybe it's just my age and fondness for Miami Vice, but for my money (if I had any), there's never been a Ferrari like it. Its long production run from 1984 to 1996 was at its heyday in the '80s, where it fit right into the decade's indulgent, yuppie lifestyle. Along with neon, skinny jeans and high tops, Footloose and The Thing, the '80s are back, so why not bring the Testarossa back with them? Featured on the cover of Road & Track nine times in five years, the Testarossa featured a 4.9-litre mid-mounted flat-12 that offered 361 lb.-ft. of torque and 390 hp. Now, if only we could find the Thompson Twins ...

Where have all the steaming piles of poo-poo gone? Where once we had the Chevette, Pony, Yugo and Pinto to kick around, today's small cars are replete with nifty features and smooth-running, good-handling engineering. Where's the fun in that? We journalists need a model we can laugh at and universally pan, so let's bring back the Pacer. A frequent inclusion on Internet lists of ugliest and most ill-conceived cars, the Pacer was dubbed by Car and Driver as the 'Flying Fishbowl,' but its jellybean styling is an unmistakable '70s icon. Then again, so is Fat Elvis and Andy Gibb's chest hair. Bring back the fun! Bring back the Pacer!

I think this car nearly killed me when I was 4?? 

The Starlight coupe was the halo model for Studebaker from 1947 to 1952. Since the maker has been defunct since 1967, we're going to have find someone else to produce it. I suggest Hyundai, since they're on a hot streak and have seemingly unlimited resources. The Starlight coupe featured a wraparound window system that provided panoramic views, and was criticized for looking eerily similar coming and going, but it was certainly recognizable. The revolutionary design wasn't picked up by other marques, who favoured a pillarless hardtop design, but I can't help but think that, in a parallel universe somewhere, it caught on and the future/present of automotive design evolved in an utterly different direction.

WOW, I love this car!

Not a model but rather a body style, the woody first appeared in the 1930s, when wood frames filled with wood or painted metal panels on the rear body work were actually structural. Safety regulations in the 1950s finally rendered them obsolete, but the esthetic limped on. The Griswolds immortalized the woody with their ill-fated Family Truckster in National Lampoon's Vacation, and Ford tinkered with some side grooves on the Flex recently, but let's take it all the way and start splashing some woody goodness around a little. I'm lookin' at you, Mini. While we're at it, let's offer woody variants of the Edge, Venza (it could only help), all minivans and, for a little past-meets-future excitement, the Nissan Leaf.

Mary's Dad had this car and I can remember being in the back with her while he did business in the summer at the food markets.