Misunderstandings

Friendly social conflicts often involve some misunderstanding. Sometimes, misunderstandings are not just between co-workers or employers' and employees'. Often, it is between family, friends, your partner in your life. We as people in conflict communicate by what we say or do not say and how we behave toward each other. Even normal interaction may involve faulty communication, but conflict seems to worsen the problem. When two people are in conflict, they often make negative assumptions about the other. Consequently, a statement that may have seemed innocuous when two people were friends may seem hostile or threatening when the same people are in conflict.


When we communicate with someone else, we think about what is on our mind but sometimes we do not think about what it is we really want to say. So, the intended thought gets lost and our words are not reflected the way we were thinking. It ends up getting heated and worsens over time. So, many things can intervene to prevent the intended message from being received accurately.


Verbal conversations we hear a tone in the voice of another and it can influence interpretation. At times we interpreted what was said as an attack because it sounded like a disapproving tone, while the comment may be seen to be given in a friendly way by the other person.  The tones in our voices do play a huge part when we are listening to another person. The thing is, we may be listening to each other but we are not hearing the other person. We other listen to what is said while breaking it apart, when we should be hearing what is being said and the reason for what is being said.


Nonverbal cues also are important. How we are with our posture open and friendly, or closed and cold. Our facial expression friendly or accusatory. All of these factors influence how the same words will be received. When we talk to another person are we caressing their hand or showing frustration. Are we compassionate or not? 


The truth is sometimes we are many ways when we talk to another person. At times we do not mean to come off poor and cruel but we have. The key is to keep communicating what we think and what we feel to each other because if we close off the communication then we will lose the other person. Then all of a sudden we are left with "what just happened?" and something that was small is now huge and cannot be fixed? Perhaps, it can? Because people make mistakes along the way, and we need to talk about it and we learn from it and move on. Just take the time to talk things through and support each other.


In addition to how the message is sent, many additional factors determine how the receiver interprets the message. All new information we learn is compared with the knowledge we already have. If it confirms what we already know, we will likely receive the new information accurately, though we may pay little attention to it. If it calls into question our previous assumptions or interpretation of the situation, we may distort it in our minds so that it is made to fit our world view, or we may dismiss the information as deceptive, misguided, or simply wrong.



If the message is ambiguous, the receiver is especially likely to clarify it for him or herself in a way which corresponds with his or her expectations.

Cultural differences increase the likelihood of misunderstanding as well. If people speak different languages, the danger of bad translation is obvious. But even if people speak the same language, they may communicate in different ways. Common differences are between high context and low context. Low-context communication stands on its own; it does not require context or interpretation to give it meaning. High-context communication is more ambiguous. It requires background knowledge and understanding in addition to the words themselves, for communication. If such differences are not understood and adjusted for, misunderstanding is almost inevitable. Culture also affects communication by influencing the recipients' assumptions. Our minds try to twist incoming information to make it fit in our life.

Given our tendency to hear what we expect to hear, it is very easy for people in conflict to misunderstand each other. Communication is already likely to be strained, and people will often want to hide the truth to some extent. The potential for misperception and misunderstanding is high, which can make conflict management or resolution more difficult.

How to Avoid Misunderstanding

In conflict situations, avoiding misunderstanding takes a lot of effort. 

• The goal to hear the other person and not just listen.
• Try to understand the other persons' as well as understand yourself.
• Pay close attention to what the other side is saying.
• Ask the other person to clarify or repeat anything that is unclear or seems unreasonable (maybe it is not, but you are interpreting it wrong). 
• Attempt to repeat their case, as they have presented it, back to them. This shows that you are listening (which suggests that you care what they have to say) and that you understand what they have said. It does not indicate that you agree with what they said, nor do you have to. You just need to indicate that you do understand them.
• Speak directly to the other person.
• This is not considered appropriate in some cultures, but when permitted, it helps to increase understanding. 
• Avoid being distracted by others, or by other things going on in the same room. 
• Focus on what you have to say, and on saying it in a way that the other person can understand.
• Speak about yourself, not about the other person. 
• Describe your own feelings and perceptions, rather than focusing on the other motives, misdeeds, or failings. By saying, "I felt let down," rather than "You broke your promise," you will convey the same information, in a way that does not provoke a defensive or hostile reaction from the other person.
• Before you make a significant statement, pause and consider what you want to communicate, why you want to communicate that, and how you can do it in the clearest possible way.

Making one's point effectively without inflammatory statements is a better option. Likewise, for the other person should be treated with respect. It does not help a conflict situation to treat people disrespectfully; it just makes them angry and less likely to listen to you, understand you, or do what you want. No matter what you think of another person, if they are treated with respect and dignity even if you think they do not deserve it communication will be much more successful, and the conflict will be more easily managed or resolved. Engaging in deep conversations can also reduce misunderstanding by providing more context to communication, and by breaking down stereotypes that contribute to negative characterizations. The more effort one makes to understand the person sending the message, the more likely the message will be understood correctly.

Milky