There are a myriad of reasons for the silence. Childhood sexual abuse survivors remain silent as adults because they were threatened to keep the secret during the abuse, they were not believed when they did tell, or their disclosure was met with harsh judgment or brutal silence.
Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOAs) keep their PTSD secret because they were pressured into denying the reality of their home situation and came to doubt their own perceptions. Having learned not to trust because of being frequently lied to and disappointed by their parents, these survivors also learned to be fearful of the outside world, distrust authorities and institutions, as well as, commit themselves to "keeping the peace" in an effort to stave off personal or family embarassment.
Many survivors are at risk for suicide. Surprisingly, suicide from a survivor’s perspective is not as much about overwhelming depression as it is about taking back control. It is an attempt to stop secondary wounding, painful physical and emotional symptoms, or continued victimization when everything else they’ve tried doesn’t work.What did I do to deserve this? Why didn’t I do something to stop it? Self-blame is a significant aspect of being a survivor wrestling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sometimes survivors see themselves as participants in the traumatic event rather than as victims. They feel that in some way they were “bad” or “not enough.” These feelings of guilt, self-blame and sadness are just the first stop on a long road toward the grieving process.
In the case of childhood sexual abuse, sometimes therapists can overlook the deep emotional loss suffered by a survivor when they were a child. With adult victims of trauma, the overwhelming grief process is more recognizable. Just as inevitable as emotional and behavioral struggles during the PTSD healing process, a torrent of grief eventually sweeps over a recovering adult—regardless of when their original trauma occurred.
What did I do to deserve this? Why didn’t I do something to stop it? Self-blame is a significant aspect of being a survivor wrestling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sometimes survivors see themselves as participants in the traumatic event rather than as victims. They feel that in some way they were “bad” or “not enough.” These feelings of guilt, self-blame and sadness are just the first stop on a long road toward the grieving process.
In the case of childhood sexual abuse, sometimes therapists can overlook the deep emotional loss suffered by a survivor when they were a child. With adult victims of trauma, the overwhelming grief process is more recognizable. Just as inevitable as emotional and behavioral struggles during the PTSD healing process, a torrent of grief eventually sweeps over a recovering adult—regardless of when their original trauma occurred.
“Isn’t it easier to feel angry than sad? When you are angry, you feel powerful and full of energy. When you are grieving, you feel weak and helpless,” remarks Aphrodite Matsakis, author of I Can’t Get Over It! For this reason, grief and anger are intertwined during the PTSD healing process.
Mataskis goes on to say, “Anger reflects grief for personal losses, as well as sorrow and disappointment over the failure of certain government, religious, or other institutions to live up to their stated purposes and standards.” Whether those other institutions flaring up your anger are the institutions of marriage, family or parenting, your anger could be a defense against entering into the grieving portion of the healing process.
“I think I first grieved over the fact that I was a little kid and couldn’t possibly have defended myself. Then, I grieved about the realization that no one protected me or did anything about it. But the worst part of all was when I got angry about all the time I had lost being a victim and that now, I was an adult still not doing anything about it,” comments Rebecca Cooper, Director of Communications and Networking at The Center for Hope & Renewal.
“Here at The Center for Hope & Renewal, we try to help people understand what to expect as they heal from PTSD. We also help their families, friends or co-workers understand as well,” Rebecca explains. As a result of her own healing journey, Rebecca became involved in helping others navigate those waters. She goes on to say, “We see the need out there for resources that benefit the survivors’ support people and are working toward special programs just for them.”
When you grieve, you acknowledge the devastating reality that in the traumatic moment, you were helpless. No matter how angry you get or how long you grieve over what was lost, you can never regain what was taken from you. What you may not realize now, is that although some of your losses are permanent, some are not.
What you can be sure of while engaging the PTSD healing process, is passing through each of these five phases of grief:
1.Denial and isolation
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance
One of the greatest fears carried by survivors is that the emotional pain will go on forever. Although grieving is not easy, it is not without end. The sadness that surrounds grief is a natural and permanent part of life that cannot be avoided. It is also a necessary part of healing from PTSD.
Mataskis goes on to say, “Anger reflects grief for personal losses, as well as sorrow and disappointment over the failure of certain government, religious, or other institutions to live up to their stated purposes and standards.” Whether those other institutions flaring up your anger are the institutions of marriage, family or parenting, your anger could be a defense against entering into the grieving portion of the healing process.
“I think I first grieved over the fact that I was a little kid and couldn’t possibly have defended myself. Then, I grieved about the realization that no one protected me or did anything about it. But the worst part of all was when I got angry about all the time I had lost being a victim and that now, I was an adult still not doing anything about it,” comments Rebecca Cooper, Director of Communications and Networking at The Center for Hope & Renewal.
“Here at The Center for Hope & Renewal, we try to help people understand what to expect as they heal from PTSD. We also help their families, friends or co-workers understand as well,” Rebecca explains. As a result of her own healing journey, Rebecca became involved in helping others navigate those waters. She goes on to say, “We see the need out there for resources that benefit the survivors’ support people and are working toward special programs just for them.”
When you grieve, you acknowledge the devastating reality that in the traumatic moment, you were helpless. No matter how angry you get or how long you grieve over what was lost, you can never regain what was taken from you. What you may not realize now, is that although some of your losses are permanent, some are not.
What you can be sure of while engaging the PTSD healing process, is passing through each of these five phases of grief:
1.Denial and isolation
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance
One of the greatest fears carried by survivors is that the emotional pain will go on forever. Although grieving is not easy, it is not without end. The sadness that surrounds grief is a natural and permanent part of life that cannot be avoided. It is also a necessary part of healing from PTSD.
Flashbacks are one of the most well known Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms and debilitating aftereffects of trauma. As painful as they can be, flashbacks are also a necessary part of healing PTSD. The occurrence of flashbacks is a good sign - healing is well underway!
Flashbacks don’t usually begin to happen unless a survivor has a climate of safety in their life and is emotionally ready to heal. However, once flashbacks begin, they are not always restricted to a survivor’s safe place. For this reason, they can be very disruptive, extremely frightening and tremendously confusing, not only for the survivor but also for loved ones.
During the time of the trauma, it is as though the survivor’s mind captured every sensory aspect of the situation (emotions, sight, sound, taste, touch, smell, and sense of time) and crystallized it, temporarily isolating it in time, like a time capsule. Consequently, coming into contact with any sensory aspect of the encapsulated trauma in the here and now - called a trigger - could open the floodgates of a flashback.
Although, flashbacks can invade a person’s consciousness without warning, with proper education and practice, survivors can learn to sense when a flashback is about to occur. Only technically considered re-experiences of the trauma, flashbacks are more accurately described as flashes of a portion of the traumatic event and are a result of uncontrollable, biochemical responses in the brain.
Flashbacks can take the following forms:
• Nightmares
• Dreams
• Sensory flashes (known as “the feeling”)
•Images (colors, textures, specific images, or “smells”)
•Unexplained strong emotions
In addition, making flashbacks even more disrupting, they are often accompanied by:
• Nausea (sometimes, but rarely, vomiting)
•Specific pain
• Numbness (emotional & physical)
•Muscle locking in specific parts of the body
• Deep chills
In rare instances, flashbacks can cause a survivor to temporarily become unconscious; waking up after the flashback is safely completed, however, with neither any memory of the flashback or new memories of the original trauma. Because flashbacks begin to occur randomly once the healing process has begun, and they don’t always occur in a safe environment, the survivor must develop an emergency plan for these instances.
“Flashbacks do not represent mental illness; they are not psychotic,” remarks E. Sue Blume, author of Secret Survivors and creator of the Survivors’ Aftereffects Checklist. Like experiments in a laboratory they can be “controlled experiences-events relived to release, cleanse and heal,” according to Blume.
That they occur at all indicates that the survivor is strong enough to face his/her memories. That they occur in the presence of another person (therapist, spouse, or healing partner) shows the level of trust the survivor feels in that relationship.
Blume captures the essence of this phenomenon well. She says, “Flashbacks are an opportunity to learn, and to be free. They are not something to be fought or medicated; they are a painful, necessary, hopeful part of recovery.”
If you’re interested in learning more about PTSD, developing a healing strategy that includes an emergency plan, contact The Center for Hope & Renewal in Gig Harbor at 1-888-688-4370. They specialize in helping survivors and their loved ones understand PTSD and connect with local professionals by providing workshops, support groups and healing intensives.
Want to know what a flashback is like? Watch the remarkable video below of a woman struggling to remain in the present moment while flashbacks keep pulling her into the past.
Caution! Survivors may be triggered by watching this video. Please use discretion in viewing!
4.PTSD Symptoms: The Aftereffect of Flashbacks
5.Body Armor: Puget Sound Residents Use it to Cope with PTSD
6.Healing PTSD: Remembering Trauma - One man in Tacoma asks, Why did it take 20 years for my wife’s memories to surface? A woman in Gig Harbor comments, My sister remembers everything about her wedding 15 years ago, but she can’t remember the hell we grew up in! Have you ever had a memory from childhood suddenly pop into your mind? Chances are that something about your environment brought that memory back from the storehouse of your mind.
It’s a mystery as to why one person can never forget a traumatic event, yet another waits years to recall just a small portion of it. What we do know about how the brain works tells us that memory is fragile. Instead of being stored like a movie in your head, memories are stored as bits and pieces that your brain thinks are important, with uninteresting information discarded. Those bits and pieces are delivered to the brain by sensory input from your eyes, nose, ears, mouth, and/or skin. Consequently, when sensory inputs are stimulated in just the right combination, recall of a fragmented memory associated with that combination will arise, especially if the brain considers the recall to be important to your survival.
The book Allies in Healing suggests some triggers that can cause bits and pieces of memory to rise to the surface such as the following:
Distance: Length of time or the number of miles between the trauma or an abuser when combined with a feeling of safety
Crisis: A life crisis where things seem out of control like a poor health diagnosis, divorce, wedding planning, or financial difficulties; having your body compromised, in pain or out of control such as when giving birth; breaking an addiction to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, sex or eating
Media: A TV show, an article in the newspaper, a movie (The Color Purple, Monster, Prince of Tides), even a friend’s story or hearing about a child abused in the neighborhood
Sensory: Input like the sound of a dog barking (if a dog was barking at the time of the trauma), smelling alcohol on someone’s breath, or being awakened in the middle of the night
Death or Loss: The death of the abuser or a significant family member the survivor may have been protecting by keeping abuse secret, any major loss such as loss of a job, spouse, home, beloved pet or a major transition like moving, going back to school, starting a new career, or aging
Physical: Touch that integrates movement such as someone caressing you in a certain way, receiving a massage or other therapy treatment; physical exercise that includes familiar positions, muscle strain or contractions that are similar to ones that occurred during the trauma, or increased heart rate can mimic an anxiety response; gaining or losing a lot of weight can cause sensations of vulnerability
Medical procedures: Visits to the dentist (especially for victims who were orally raped), gynecologist or proctologist; experiencing anesthesia or localized numbing for procedures
Parenting: Being pregnant, encountering your child's physical development, or your child reaching the same age in which you experienced the trauma
If someone you love is struggling with PTSD and counting on you for support, you’ll probably experience times of frustration where you’ll struggle to accept and believe the survivor’s memories. Attending a support group like Al Anon can help you maintain a healthy level of detachment. Also, understanding how the brain stores memories will help you to keep a supportive perspective on this difficult part of your loved one's healing process. To start down your own path of PTSD education, read my article PTSD: The brain's response to a traumatic event, or check out the video below about how the brain processes emotions and memories.
8.5 Ways to Beat PTSD Induced Memory Loss
9.Puget Sound Chiropractors Fight PTSD
10.PTSD and the Grieving Process - What did I do to deserve this? Why didn’t I do something to stop it? Self-blame is a significant aspect of being a survivor wrestling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Sometimes survivors see themselves as participants in the traumatic event rather than as victims. They feel that in some way they were “bad” or “not enough.” These feelings of guilt, self-blame and sadness are just the first stop on a long road toward the grieving process.
In the case of childhood sexual abuse, sometimes therapists can overlook the deep emotional loss suffered by a survivor when they were a child. With adult victims of trauma, the overwhelming grief process is more recognizable. Just as inevitable as emotional and behavioral struggles during the PTSD healing process, a torrent of grief eventually sweeps over a recovering adult—regardless of when their original trauma occurred.
“Isn’t it easier to feel angry than sad? When you are angry, you feel powerful and full of energy. When you are grieving, you feel weak and helpless,” remarks Aphrodite Matsakis, author of I Can’t Get Over It! For this reason, grief and anger are intertwined during the PTSD healing process.
Mataskis goes on to say, “Anger reflects grief for personal losses, as well as sorrow and disappointment over the failure of certain government, religious, or other institutions to live up to their stated purposes and standards.” Whether those other institutions flaring up your anger are the institutions of marriage, family or parenting, your anger could be a defense against entering into the grieving portion of the healing process.
“I think I first grieved over the fact that I was a little kid and couldn’t possibly have defended myself. Then, I grieved about the realization that no one protected me or did anything about it. But the worst part of all was when I got angry about all the time I had lost being a victim and that now, I was an adult still not doing anything about it,” comments Rebecca Cooper, Director of Communications and Networking at The Center for Hope & Renewal.
“Here at The Center for Hope & Renewal, we try to help people understand what to expect as they heal from PTSD. We also help their families, friends or co-workers understand as well,” Rebecca explains. As a result of her own healing journey, Rebecca became involved in helping others navigate those waters. She goes on to say, “We see the need out there for resources that benefit the survivors’ support people and are working toward special programs just for them.”
When you grieve, you acknowledge the devastating reality that in the traumatic moment, you were helpless. No matter how angry you get or how long you grieve over what was lost, you can never regain what was taken from you. What you may not realize now, is that although some of your losses are permanent, some are not.
What you can be sure of while engaging the PTSD healing process, is passing through each of these five phases of grief:
1.Denial and isolation
2.Anger
3.Bargaining
4.Depression
5.Acceptance
One of the greatest fears carried by survivors is that the emotional pain will go on forever. Although grieving is not easy, it is not without end. The sadness that surrounds grief is a natural and permanent part of life that cannot be avoided. It is also a necessary part of healing from PTSD.
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